Unlikeliest of Circumstances
by svurolivia
Summary: multi chapter fic. When Dr. Al attacks Olivia and Amanda, it forces them into an unlikely situation that allows their relationship to grow away from the precinct and SVU.
1. Chapter 1

Olivia knew she shouldn't have trusted Al. After being a police officer for so long, she should have known to trust her instincts. Maybe, then Olivia wouldn't be rushing to the blonde's apartment after receiving a frantic phone call from her, late one night. Amanda screaming for Al to stop hitting her, begging him, telling him he would hurt the baby. Jesse crying in the background, Frannie barking. It sounded like pure chaos and the Lieutenant was driving as fast as the law allowed he to. Stopping long enough to call in for backup, sticking Noah with a neighbor she trusted to watch him, not wanting to wait for Lucy to arrive.. Her only thought was getting to Amanda as fast as possible.

She pulls up outside the apartment building, flashing her badge to get in and racing up the steps. Her new workout routine, met she could practically fly up them. She stops outside Amanda's door and knocks, before yelling that it is her and asking if she can come in. She waits a moment for the detective to reply before kicking the door open and pulling her gun out. Al has Amanda an arm around her shoulders, the blonde's own gun pressed to her head. She's crying, blood pouring down her face from a cut to her forehead and to her nose. Olivia can see Jesse in the corner, looking scared. She's able to identify Frannie's barking from one of the bedrooms, where she is scratching at the door like she is trying to get to her owner.

"Don't come any closer. In fact, why don't you leave. Amanda doesn't want you here, right?" Al said, his eyes looking around the room. He looks like a man who has lost it.

"I'm not leaving. Let her go, or why I won't hesitate to shoot." Liv said her face showing her determination to get her detective away from this man. "Jesse, sweetie, come here. Get behind me. Everything will be okay."

"You shoot me I and I'll shoot her." Jesse runs for the lieutenant, hiding behind her like she asked her. Amanda has yet to speak, she's just staring at Olivia, like she's trying to communicate with her without having to speak. It's why she moved Jesse to a more protected position.

"Why are you doing this, Al? The flowers you sent all the sweet talking you did, why do all that?"

"She messed everything up. I've never loved her and I've never wanted this baby. I wanted her to get an abortion because I didn't want my wife to find out about her."

"So, this is your alternative. How's your wife going to react to this? About what you did tonight?"

"She left me today and all of this is all her fault." He said gesturing to Amanda. Instead of pointing his gun at her, he pointed it at Olivia instead. "And yours. You're the one who convinced her to keep it. I'm going to lose everything because of you two."

Several things happened at once. Amanda elbowed All in the stomach. Right as Al fired the gun. Gollowed by Olivia groaning in pain and falling to the floor as Jesse screamed and cried. Bleeding from a wound to her thigh. Al shoves Amanda to the ground, and runs out of the apartment, right before their backup arrived.

The blonde crawled her away over to where Olivia was lying on the floor, groaning in pain. She placed her hands on her wound applying pressure. "Liv, Olivia, can you hear me? Stay with me Liv, stay with me. It's going to be okay, baby. Jesse, go get a belt from my room okay as fast as you can."  
Fin and Carisi burst into the apartment and Amanda's frantic voice is saying "Fin, call an ambulance. Liv's hurt." Jesse runs back into the room with the belt. Amanda wraps it around the brunette's thigh creating a makeshift tourniquet, as Sonny pulled out his radio, telling them he has two officers down. Then, he walks over and scoops up Jesse, trying to comfort her the best he can.

"Amanda, what happened here?" Her apartment is trashed, glass broken everywhere, furniture not in its right place. Carisi lets Frannie out of her confinement and she runs for Amanda, making sure she's okay.

"Al. Al came over and he hit me and he grabbed my gun, but I called Liv and he shot her. Where's the fucking ambulance?"

"Amanda, you need to calm down. You can't be this worked up. It's not good for the baby. Why don't you sit? I'll take over holding pressure to the wound. The ambulance will be here soon."

"No, I'm not leaving her. This is all my fault."

The EMTs and more officers arrive and they tend to Olivia. Fin and Carisi having to pull their blonde colleague away from her. Then a new fight breaks out, with Amanda refusing to get on a gurney herself. They compromise. She'll ride in the back of the ambulance with Olivia, but she must get checked out once they arrive at the hospital. Amanda grabs Olivia's hand as soon as she can. The paramedics take Olivia down from the apartment and down to the bus. The brunette is falling in and out of consciousness, but every time she opens her eyes, she searches for the blonde. "I'm here, Olivia. I'm not going anywhere okay."

Amanda is crying and holding Olivia's hand tight. They arrive at the hospital and Amanda follows along with the gurney until she can't. Fin, Carisi, and Jessie arrive after them. A nurse comes over to take Jesse to check for any injuries, with Carisi following close behind keeping a watchful eye on her.. Knowing the older woman is now is the hands of the doctors, allows this entire situation to catch up to Amanda and she falters. Fin catches her and the next thing she knows she is flat on her back in a hospital bed with a fetal monitor on her belly. There's so many people talking around her, but all she is focused on is her baby's heartbeat, which is strong and the doctor saying she is showing no signs of preterm labor. She doesn't care about her concussion or the bruised ribs or the broken nose. While he was hitting her the only thing she could think about was protecting the baby growing in her belly. The doctors stitch up the cut on her forehead and leaves the room. Fin walking in after.

The first words out her mouth are "How's Jesse and Liv are they okay?" She tries to sit up, but Fin puts his hand on Amanda's shoulder and guides her back into a lying position.

"Jesse is okay. She's not injured, just a little shaken up and worried about her mama. Liv's wound isn't that bad. Bullet went straight through her thing, missed the bone and the arteries. She'll need physical therapy, but she's gonna be okay."

"I want to see both of them right now. Get me out of this bed."

"Let me talk to your doctor he mentioned wanting to keep monitoring the baby for a little while longer. Jesse is with Carisi and I can have him bring her in right now."

"Please, I need to see her." Fin walks out the hospital room and tells Carisi to bring Jesse to Amanda's room. He then asks one of her nurses if Amanda could visit Olivia.

"Hey, baby." The blonde says to Jesse who is tentatively walking towards to where her mother sits in the hospital bed. "It's okay. Mama's ok. I know tonight scared you, but I promise I'm not hurt too bad and Aunt Livvie is okay too."

That's all the little girl needs to hear before she runs towards her mom, climbing into the bed and hugging her tight, crying into her mom's neck. Amanda rocks her back and forth, rubbing her back, murmuring the lullaby that always helps to calm her.

Fin walks back into the room saying he will take her to Olivia after he takes her statement and that Lucy had offered to pick up Jesse from the hospital on her way to Olivia's apartment. She would be able to sleep some before she brought both kids back in the morning. Amanda kisses her daughter, gives her a hug and then asks her to wait with Uncle Sonny, hyping up the prospect of a sleepover with Noah. Once they leave the room, Fin takes a seat next to the bed, and asks her what happened.

"I was getting Jesse to bed and he came in through the door."

"Did her force his way in or?"

"He had a key. I said hello to him, but I didn't turn around because I was Jesse put on her pajamas. He grabbed me by the hair and pulled me away her and just started hitting me. Frannie started to go after Al, so he let go of me long enough to shove her into my room and that's when I called Olivia. He came back and started screaming at me. That me and this baby had ruined his life. How he never loved me and how much of a mistake this baby was. I just went into the survival mode and tried to scrunch up my body so his blows wouldn't hit my belly. He must have grabbed my gun when he put Frannie in my room. I hadn't locked in the safe yet from work. Olivia started knocking on the door and he grabbed me and made me stand up. Al put the gun against my head and told me if I said anything he would shoot her. Liv came in and they argued. She moved Jesse behind her. Al said his wife had left him because of me and the baby. He started blaming Liv because in his mind she helped me decide to keep the baby. He took the gun from my head and pointed it at her chest. I saw he was going to pull the trigger so I elbowed him in the stomach to mess up his aim and he shot her in the thigh. After that he ran out of the apartment still had my gun. Can I see Olivia now?"

"Yeah, c'mon I'll get a nurse to unhook you and bring a wheelchair." The nurse came in and unhooked her from the machines and Fin helped her into the wheelchair and pushed her towards the elevator and up to Olivia's room.

"Give us a minute,okay?"

"Of course."

Amanda grabs her hand and the brunette starts to stir. Muttering something that sounds like the blonde's name and trying to open her eyes.

"I'm here, Liv."

"How are you and the baby and Jesse?"

"Were all okay."

"Any word on where Al is?"

"No he's in the wind. I'm so sorry, Olivia. You got shot and it's all my fault." The younger woman says tears brimming in bright blue eyes.

"No one's to blame but Al he did this." Liv says raising her hand and wiping the tear that had fallen from Olivia's cheek.

The door opens and 2 U.S. Marshalls walk in the door. A man and women introducing themselves solely by their last names, Perez and McAndrews.

"Lieutenant Benson, Detective Rollins, Dr. Al Pollack has disappeared and we believe him to be a serious threat to your safety and the safety of your children. We'd like to move you two into protective custody until he is found or we believe you two are safe. I know your both NYPD trained, but this man is dangerous and we'd like to offer some extra protection."

"You want to move us into witness protection?" Olivia questioned looking from Amanda and then back at the marshalls.

"Not quite WITSEC. We wouldn't be giving you new identities at this time. We're planning on moving you two into a small town Colorado. You'll be given a cover story and we'll be stationed nearby for added protection. You will not be able to tell your coworkers or families where you are."

"What's the cover story?" Amanda asked, not entirely sure about this, but if Al poses a serious threat to Jesse and Noah she'll do whatever she can to protect them.

"You two will be posing as a married couple expecting your third child. Olivia we've lined up a job for you working as the technology manager for company that's based in Colorado. Because of your prior experience working in computer crimes. Amanda, we have not lined anything up anything for you yet. With baby coming in a few months, and your needing to go on to maternity leave as of right now you'll be staying home with the kids. Once you feel ready to go back to work after the baby is born we'll help get you a job. So, are you two willing to go?" Agent McAndrews said looking the two women sitting in front of her.

Olivia turns her attention to Amanda. "I'm in if you are."

"We'll do it." Amanda replies.


	2. Chapter 2

**Bit of a long update. I'm planning to update this story on Fridays so look for the next update them.**

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The marshal's left Olivia's room not long after having that conversation. They told Olivia and Amanda they would move them as soon as the brunette was released from the hospital in a few days. For now, they suggested they pull Noah and Jesse out of their respective schools and all 4 of them would be placed under a protective detail around the clock. They should spend the next few days figuring out their cover story and preparing to be a believable couple. The silence in the room was palpable, the severity of the situation both women found themselves in. A few years ago, both would've turned their noses up at the thought of protective custody, but things have changed. Neither women wanted to put their child into an unknown amount of danger if it can be prevented.

Olivia spoke first. "Well, this is not something I ever expected to happen. Are you sure you're okay with this, Amanda?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. So, how do you want to play this?"

"Well, you've been with SVU for almost 8 years now, so we could say that's how long we've been together. We can say we've been married for 5 years and I adopted Noah on my own. Then we decided we wanted to have Jesse and now this new baby together."

"That seems like a believable story, but that won't work with the kids call us Aunt Amanda and Aunt Liv. How are we going to explain this to the kids Liv? They're both too young to understand what's going on." Amanda said, looking down at the ground. The weirdness of this situation washing over her.

"We need to pretend for them too. They're too young for us to be only acting like we're together in public. That would just confuse them. I'll talk to Noah and ask him to call you whatever name you would prefer being called. We can't both be "mom" and not be confused all the time. I should warn you, Noah has had some behavioral problems lately. I don't know how he'll react to all this."

"Jesse calls me Mama. I guess Noah can use it too and Jesse and the new baby would call you mommy. We'll work through Noah's problems together, Liv. I'm so sorry that I got you and Noah wrapped up in this. I feel so guilty." Amanda said covering her face with her hands.

Olivia reaches over pulling her hands away from her face and cupping her chin making blue eyes meet brown. "It's okay, Amanda. Both of us are always saying we could use a break from the job. You've given us one. There's something else we need to discuss though. How do you want to go about this whole couple thing? What kind of PDA are we talking about? What would you feel comfortable with? Have you ever even been with a woman?"

"Woah, Liv that's a lot of questions at once. PDA wise, all we're going to need to do is some handhold, arms around each other. maybe some kisses on cheeks, and you should put your hand on my belly a lot. You're playing the role of the doting mommy waiting for her baby to be born. And Yes, I've been with women before. Never a relationship because I don't do that with anyone regardless of gender. I have a question for you. Sex. We've got no idea how long this is going to last. What if one of us wants to?" Amanda said blushing because she's talking about sex with Olivia Benson. She has feelings for the brunette and pretending to be with her without getting to be for real sounds like hell. But, she's willing to commit to it.

"We'll deal with that when it happens. If the kids think we're together, we'll we be sharing the same bed?"

"I guess that would make the most sense. How about you ever been with a woman?"

"Yes, I've been in several relationships with women. I'm bisexual, Amanda."

Before Amanda can respond to that, Fin walks back into the room and tells her it is time to go back to her room. They say a quick goodbye and then wheels Amanda back down to her room. She's discharged in the morning and goes to stay with Jesse, Noah, and Frannie at Olivia's place. The blonde isn't allowed to visit Olivia in the hospital, so they communicate by text. The brunette texts her a list of items of hers and Noah's she would like packed. They are planning on leaving within the next day or two. They aren't allowed to bring a ton of stuff with them, but both are planning on packing some sentimental items. clothing to last them until they can buy more, and a few toys for the kids. Amanda makes sure she has Jesse's blanket she can't sleep without and Noah's elephant. They would've had a major meltdown had either of those items been missing. The younger woman has kept Jesse in the dark about everything going on. Framing this as a fun trip with Noah and telling her to call her Aunt Liv mommy. Surprisingly, the 3-year-old agrees without a fuss, almost like she can sense her mom's seriousness.

Olivia had a much more in-depth talk with Noah one day in the hospital. Telling him a very bad man was trying to hurt her and Auntie Amanda and that they would move somewhere else while other officers tried to find him. She told him that her and Amanda loved each other so much and asked that he call her Mama from now on. Liv couldn't tell him where they were going. The marshals wouldn't tell them the name of the town until they were on the way. The brunette told her son she understood how hard this would be, but that she needed him to be brave and strong. And to please cooperate with her and Amanda. Noah could also sense the seriousness his mother was trying to convey and agreed to not give her a hard time about anything.

Today was the day. Liv's gunshot wound had been healing, and she was showing no signs of infection. After a week in the hospital, they were ready to discharge her. She's be on crutches for another few weeks, but her wound wasn't that serious. That also meant that tonight they would leave for their new life in Colorado. Agents Perez and McAndrews were planning on sneaking them out once nightfall hit and placing them in a safe house. Early the next morning they would get on their flight to Denver and finding out their destination. The agents had got a vest for Frannie permitting her to ride in the seats with the rest of the group. Amanda was not all comfortable having her ride with the luggage. They had not been told what story would be fed to Carisi and Fin. It hurt both, not being able to say goodbye, but they knew this was for the best.

Their night in the safe house was quiet. Neither woman slept much. They were both anxious about the reality of the new chapter in their lives was about to begin. Around 5 am their alarms went off, and they met each other in the kitchen. Liv making coffee for herself and tea for Amanda. She was already not doing a good job with following the doctor's orders to keep it easy. The blonde suspected many fights with the older woman about using her crutches as instructed.

"Are you ready for this?" Olivia said. They had decided they would act like a couple in the airport so they could get used to it. They would also remind the kids about calling both mom.

"Yeah, I want to get out of here. I'm so paranoid that Al will come after us. It's like I can see him around every corner. Do we want to make the kids some breakfast here or feed them when we get to the airport?" Both women would try to include each other in decisions about the kids. They would now be co-parenting.

"Let's wait. Give them an extra half an hour to sleep. Do you want to shower first?" Liv asked, stirring her coffee and leaning against the counter.

"Yeah. I'll take a quick shower. One of the agents from the detail offered to walk Frannie for us, so we wouldn't have to worry about that this morning." Amanda turned to walk towards the bathroom, the nerves bubbling in her stomach. In a few hours she'll be pretending she's married to Olivia.

Liv was lost in her own little world in the kitchen. While her relationship with Amanda had improved over the last few years, but they still fought sometimes. Living and parenting with someone is completely different from being friends and working together. Part of her was filled with nerves. She's been harboring feelings for the other woman for a long time. Part of her thought Amanda felt the same way she never pursued anything because of their boss/subordinate relationship. Now things would be a lot different.

Amanda stepped out the shower, calling out to Olivia that she finished in the bathroom. She told her she would wake the kids after getting dressed and get them ready. The detective put on her bra and panties and then looked at herself in the mirror. Her hands smoothing over her large bump. Part of her worried for this this baby now because Al being their father. Scared of what that would mean to them. Amanda finds herself whispering to her baby that everything would be okay, she'd make sure of it. The blonde finished getting dressed, combed her hair and then started to coax her daughter out of sleep. She rubbed her back and calling her name. Her daughter's brown eyes opening, still showing signs of tiredness. Amanda let her wake up on her own for a few minutes before moving across the hall to Noah's room. She repeats the same routine with him, but he sits up in his bed, rubbing his eyes.

"I know it's early, bud, but we have to get up to get on the airplane." Amanda said to Noah, sitting next to him on the bed. He cuddles into her neck. "I think your mom put the outfit she wanted you to wear over on the dresser. If you need help with anything, I'll be in the other room helping Jesse get ready." Amanda got up from the bed after Noah pulls away.

As she's walking out of the room Noah says "Okay, Mama."

A warm feeling comes over her, hearing Noah calling her that. She pauses for a moment before continuing to walk out of the room. She hears the shower shut off and McAndrews and Perez announcing their presence as they open the door. Frannie runs into the apartment, having received a nice long walk. The blonde says hello to her dog and the agents before yelling to Liv that they're here and walking back into her bedroom. Frannie following close behind. She gets Jessie dressed, dries her hair, and puts on some makeup, not bothering to straighten her hair today.

Amanda and Jesse meet Noah and Olivia in the living room after making sure both kids went to the bathroom and brushed their teeth. They've fitted Frannie with her service vest. Neither woman likes putting her in a service, but they just didn't have the time to prepare for her to ride in the carriage area of the plane. And it was something they were not comfortable with. They've fit all the belongings they're bringing into one big suitcase. With carry ons for everyone. The children's are filled with snacks and small toys to occupy them on the 4-and-a-half-hour plane ride. While the women's bags are filled with books and laptops to help pass the time.

The redhead US Marshall Elizabeth McAndrews reaches into her pocket and provides a ring for both women to wear. To show that they're married and Liv and Amanda slip them on their left ring fingers.

The other Marshal Victor Perez is tall with dark hair and eyes. "Everyone ready to go? Our flight leaves at 10 so we should get going."

The women nod. The Marshalls take their suitcases and bags. Amanda holds Frannie's leash in one hand and is holding Jesse's hand with the other. Olivia is using one crutch on the side where she got shot and ushers Noah to walk in front of her. The group moves towards the car where they've got about a 10-minute drive to the airport. Everyone is tired and quiet, during the ride.

Perez announces that they will live in Georgetown, Colorado. A small town with a population around a thousand, 45 minutes outside Denver where Olivia will be working. They arrive at the airport and check their bag. McAndrews offers to take Frannie's leash and Amanda accepts.

Liv looks at her and in a low voice says, "can I hold your hand?"

"Um sure." Olivia reaches over and laces her fingers with the blonde's giving it a squeeze. To the outside world they look like a little family about to get on a plane. Maybe about to go on a vacation. Instead of running from a man trying to hurt them. They now have their carry ons on their backs. The marshal's and Frannie keeping a respectable distance and a watchful eye on them.

Liv doesn't let go until they arrive at security. "Baby" she hears Amanda say. "Can you help Jesse with her shoes I can't bend like that to help her?" The blonde had worn shoes she could slip off and on, but Jesse still needed help to get hers on and off sometimes. She'd worn a pair of black leggings because they were much more comfortable than jeans with how pregnant she is and a comfortable blue maternity top and grey hoodie to combat the cold weather.

Liv was a little taken aback by Amanda calling her baby, but this is why they agreed to start this now. In hopes they wouldn't be as awkward when they arrived at their destination. The brunette bent down helping Jesse take her shoes off and she put them in the bin. Amanda was already on the other side of the metal detector so Jesse just ran towards her. On the other side, Liv bent down again putting on the little girl's bunny shoes.

"Can you tell mommy thank you Jesse?" Amanda asked as the older woman stood back up, wincing because of her recent gunshot wound.

Jesse looked back up at her, "Thank you mommy" she said in her little voice. Noah complained that he was hungry which got Jesse all riled up. So, they found a small shop to get breakfast sandwiches and drinks for everyone. They found a spot near the gate to eat their meal.

Not long after it was time to board the plane. Olivia would sit with Agent Perez and Noah and across the aisle was Amanda, Jesse, McAndrews, and Frannie who was laying at their feet without a fuss.

The flight itself is uneventful. Jesse falls asleep as soon as the plane is in the air and Noah is content to watch movies on his iPad for the duration.

They land and McAndrews takes Frannie to relieve herself outside while Perez grabs their suitcase. Their flight took off around 10:00 and was 4 hours so it's weird for them to have arrived and it only being about 12 in Colorado. The 2-hour time difference would be something which would require a lot of getting used to.

The last leg of their journey is the 45-minute car ride to their new house and everyone is ready to get there. The whole group is hungry and tired. Amanda's back is bothering her from sitting in one spot for so long and so is Liv's leg. They had held hands in the airport again and neither one of them felt as awkward about it this time.

They and Frannie drive in one car, with the Marshalls following behind them. Once they're in the house, they'll be on their own.

"Are you two excited to see the new house?" Amanda said to the children in the back seat of the car. Jesse strapped into her car seat and Noah sitting next to her.

"I wish we didn't have to leave New York and I wish Lucy could've come with us."

"I know this is going to be hard Noah, but I promise things will be great here. Noah, I get to stay home from work right now. And your mom won't have to work like she did in New York. She'll be home at the same time every night and she won't have to work weekends anymore." Noah doesn't reply, turning his head to look out the window. Jesse is babbling in her car seat. Doing that thing Toddlers do where they are talking, but not really about anything.

"Hey Noah," Liv calls from the driver's seat. "I'd appreciate it if you would give this a chance and have a good attitude about this. It's hard to start over in a new place, but I think this will be good for all of us. Do it for me sweet boy."

"Okay, mom." Noah said looking back at his mother.

They arrive outside a beautiful 3 story, 4-bedroom house, with a huge yard, and a couple of bathrooms. The house is fully furnished, including the kid's rooms, and the nursery. There's a playroom in the basement for Jesse and Noah and the yard has one of those jungle gyms in the back with a slide and some swings. They also stocked the kitchen with some basic food items.

"Wow." Amanda said. "This place is gorgeous and big. It's like triple the size of my apartment."

"Yeah it's nice." Liv says from across the room. When she looks up at the blonde, she sees Amanda wincing and she moves to her side as fast as her leg will allow her. "Are you okay, Manda? Is it the baby? Is something wrong?"

When she arrives next to Amanda the younger woman grabs her hand and places it on the right side of her belly. The brunette feels a strong kick against her hand. "I'm fine Liv. The baby is just getting pretty strong."

Liv still has her hands pressed to Amanda's bump. Almost like she's in awe. Her hands start move in circles pressing on certain spots and feeling the baby push back. "Hey, little one calm down in there. You're giving your mama a hard time today."

Noah and Jesse walk into the room and initially they again asked about food, but then he asks what the two women are doing.

"The baby is kicking, Noah. Would you like to feel to, bud?" Amanda said to him. He walks over and Liv lifts her hand and grabs his to place on the spot where the baby had been moving the most. Jesse runs over too yelling that she wants to feel too. The detective finds herself with three different hands all resting against her bump. She smiles and for the first time she thinks to herself this might work. They can be a family.

"Mama, Jesse and I are starving. Can we have pizza for lunch? Please?" He said bright blue-green eyes looking up at Amanda like he's willing her to say yes.

She turns and gives Liv the same look. "What do you say, Liv? I think I saw some takeout menus in the kitchen." Her own hand comes to rest on her belly. "The baby wants pizza too." She said to her in a serious tone of voice that made Liv chuckle.

"Okay. Pizza for lunch, but everyone is having some vegetables for dinner." Liv said. The other three occupants in the room cheered and Olivia laughed again.

Things were winding down for the night. They had let Frannie out into the yard, the kids were bathed, and ready for bed. They were all snuggling on the couch while Olivia read everyone a book. She paused in her reading seeing two children who were struggling to stay awake. "I think it's time we get these two in bed." Liv looks over at Amanda and catches her in the middle of a huge yawn. "Looks like it's your bedtime too. I'll carry Jesse up to bed. Why don't you go lay down?"

Liv leans over and kisses the blonde on the forehead before getting up and gathering Jesse into her arms. She feels the little girls head fall to rest on her chest and Liv didn't realize how much she missed being able to do this with Noah. Her son was much too big to be carried like this. The brunette sends Noah into his room, telling him that she'd be in to tuck him in after putting Jesse down. The Lieutenant places Jesse down on the bed tucking her under the covers placing a kiss on her head and telling her goodnight. Then she walks into Noah's room and does the same to him.

Olivia enters the bedroom she'll be sharing with Amanda and the blonde is sitting on the edge of the bed. "You could have gotten into bed, Manda."

"I wasn't sure which side you preferred to sleep on." Manda says her voice giving away how nervous she is.

"Um, I prefer the left side, but if that's where you prefer to sleep, I can sleep on the other side."

"No, the right side is fine." Both women climb into the queen-sized bed and do their best to stay on their respective sides.

"Good night, Liv."

"Night, Manda."

Amanda has spent the last hour tossing and turning, trying hard to get comfortable. Something that's easier said than done when you're 7 months pregnant. Not only did the weight of belly make it hard to get comfortable, the baby was always most active when she was trying to rest. She rolls over back onto her back and rubs her hands up and down her belly. Like she's trying to will the baby to relax.

"Are you okay, Amanda?" Liv said popping up beside her.

"I'm sorry and I keeping you awake? I'm fine the baby won't stop moving so I can rest. Go to sleep Liv. I'll go lay on the couch for a while so I don't bother you."

"Stay, Amanda." Liv says as she moves down the bed and rests her cheek against Amanda's bump, she kisses above her belly button and begins to talk. Directing her words to the baby. "Hey there little one. It's late and I think you should settle down now and let your mama get some sleep." Liv carries on, talking, and kissing her belly. She then starts to sings. A lullaby she used to sing to Noah when he was a baby. Amanda reaches down letting her hand rest in Liv's hair stroking her scalp with her finger tips. She closes her eyes when she feels tears well up in them. Liv is being so sweet right now. The blonde can feel the baby's movements slow before coming to a stop. Olivia being successful in singing the baby to sleep. She places one last kiss there before moving back up to lie on her pillow. She leans over and kisses Amanda's forehead like she had done earlier on the couch. "Get some rest Amanda."

The blonde falls asleep a few minutes later and Liv watches her for a while. She looks peaceful curled up in bed like that. Olivia rolls over to her side and closes her eyes when Amanda pushes her way into her arms. Her head burrows itself into the brunette's neck, her arm falls around her waist and her legs intertwine themselves with Olivia's. A sleepy Liv murmured before the younger woman settles back into sleep. She kisses the top of Amanda's head and wraps her arms around her. Sleep taking over as she is content to have the blonde in her arms. In fact, she can't get over how right this feels.


	3. Chapter 3

**I know things might seem a little slow right now, but they'll speed up next chapter. Please review and thanks for reading**

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Amanda wakes up wrapped in Olivia's arms to someone nudging her awake. She reluctantly pulls her head away from its spot on the brunette's chest and turns to see Jesse and Noah standing next to the bed. "Hey, what's wrong? Why are you two awake?"

"Jesse's scared she woke me up." Amanda knows that sleeping in a new place can be difficult for anyone, but especially for young children. She can also tell that Noah is scared too. At 6, he's doing his best to put on a brave face. "Can we sleep in here?"

The blonde nods her head and turns back around to wake up Olivia. "Liv, c'mon move over the kids want to sleep in here." She never fully wakes up, Amanda can coax her to move over far enough so there is enough room for the kids in the middle. Noah snuggles up to Liv who lifts her arm like she can tell he's there and pulls him close. Jesse settles down into a similar position. Frannie jumps on the bed and gets comfortable at the foot, curling up into a ball.

Olivia wakes up a few hours later and is confused when she looks over and sees both kids in bed with her and Amanda. She vaguely remembers the younger woman attempting to get her to move over at some point last night and now she knows why. However, it is not an unwelcome sight. She loves looking over and seeing Noah's curly hair and two disheveled blondes. It's early, about 5 am. Liv climbs out of bed and feels a pain in her leg. Amanda had told her several times yesterday she should have been using her crutches more, but she hadn't listened. Now, the brunette knows that was a mistake not to as the muscles around her wound is sore. The first thing she does is grab her crutch before walking down the steps into the kitchen to take one of her pain pills. Next, she checks the fridge to take an inventory of what groceries they'll need and making a list. Olivia leaves a note for Amanda to find and then gets ready to leave. The marshals had supplied them with two cars, and new phones and identification. There was enough money in their new joint bank account to tide them over until Olivia starts work next week.

They've got a busy day today. Amanda has an appointment with her new OBGYN to get an ultrasound done. Because of the complications she had last time, Amanda was being monitored closer this time around. The younger woman has never admitted out loud, but Olivia knows she's nervous about having another placental abruption. The doctors have warned her that because it happened before; she has a higher chance of having one again. They've also got to take Noah to visit his new school so he can meet his new teacher. And so, he can take some tests so they can find out where he is regarding his education. Liv can't say she is too disappointed that the blonde won't being working at SVU or at all during her final few months. All the relaxation will be good for her as the stress got to her last time.

Liv gets the shopping done pretty fast. With it being so early, there's not a ton of other people shopping right now. Everything is so much quieter here than in Manhattan and that's weird for Olivia who has never lived anywhere else. It will take some getting used too. She arrives back to the house and everyone is still sleeping, except for Frannie who she lets out into the yard. The older woman puts away the groceries and then makes some breakfast. She was going all out for their first breakfast in the house. Eggs, bacon, sausage, and some hash browns. It's nice to have so many people to cook for.

Amanda wakes up to the smell of the food filling the bedroom. She gently coaxes Jesse and Noah awake and the three of them go downstairs. "Morning Liv." The blonde says, her southern accent coming out stronger because she has just woken up. The kids go to get a good morning hug from the other woman. Liv moves over to the blonde while Jesse and Noah go into the living to watch some cartoons before breakfast

"Hey, how'd you sleep and when did the kids come in?"

"I slept okay and around 2:30. They didn't want to sleep in their own rooms last night. Thanks for making breakfast and going shopping. How's your leg today?"

"My leg hurt when I woke up so I took a pain pill which seems to be helping."

"Why aren't you using the crutches?"

"I promised I used my crutch in the store." Amanda gives her a look like she doesn't believe her. "I did." Liv says while moving back towards the stove to check on the food.

"What's the plan for today? My appointment is at 10:30 and Noah has his meeting at school at 2. Are we bringing them with us to the doctor?"

"I think we should. They might enjoy getting to see the baby move on the ultrasound."

They sit down for breakfast enjoying their meal together. Everyone gets ready to go to Amanda's doctor's appointment. As the two women are getting ready in their bedroom when Liv asks "So, what is the partner supposed to do at these appointments?"

"I don't know. No has ever gone with me."

"Really?"

"I mean with Jesse I kind of chose to do it by myself. I didn't tell Declan that I was pregnant until I was over 7 months along and he wanted to be more involved. I told him to go back undercover. Al never made an appointment because of work, and I didn't want him to come Not like I want you to be."

"How involved with Jesse is Declan?"

"He's visited her a couple of times and he sends money for her every month. Kind of like unofficial child support and I send him pictures of her and update him on how she's doing."

Olivia doesn't respond just nods her head, turning to go back to doing her makeup.

A little while later, they all pile into the car. Amanda is nervous for her appointment and Olivia can tell. She reaches over the center console and grasps her hand, rubbing her thumb across her knuckles and squeezing. It's such a simple gesture, but something that relaxes Amanda. She looks over and smiles a grateful smile at Olivia.

They arrive at the OBGYNs office and make their way inside. They meet Dr. Pierce Amanda's new doctor. Amanda introduces Olivia as her wife and Jesse and Noah as their kids for the first time which is a surreal. Liv and the kids wait out in the waiting room while the doctor does a quick exam before coming to get them for the ultrasound. She directs the kids to sit on the couch facing the monitor where the baby's image is going to show up. Then tells Olivia she can stand with Amanda. Liv is feeling a little awkward, not sure of what she is expected to do. Dr. Pierce tells her it's okay for her to hold Amanda's hand. So, that's what Liv does moving to sit next to where Amanda's head is on the bed. "Ready to see your baby?"

They both nod and the doctor puts gel on her stomach before moving the ultrasound wand until the image of the baby comes up on the screen. Noah and Jesse are both fascinated by what they're seeing. So is Olivia. She cannot take her eyes off the screen showing the baby moving, twisting, and kicking their legs. Dr. Pierce plays the heartbeat which is at a healthy 135 BPM. She is pointing out various things to them, like where the baby's head and hands. Amanda gets a little teary, like she always does during ultrasounds and hear the heartbeat. The doctor takes several measurements, and the baby is growing and she can assure Amanda that there are no signs of any complications right now. They finish up and the doctor prints out several pictures for them. The two women thank her and Amanda sets up her next appointment two weeks from now.

Once they get back into the car, Olivia asks the kids if they're excited for the baby.

Jesse answers first saying in an excited voice "Yes!"

"Do you want the baby to be a boy or a girl?" Liv asks her turning around to look at the little girl.

"A boy."

"What about you Noah? What do you want the baby to be?"

"I don't know." He said shrugging her shoulders. "I'm just happy mama's having a baby. That's cool."

They stop home to let Frannie out and grab lunch. Liv makes pasta for everybody and then they have to get ready to take Noah to his new school. Both women are looking forward to getting more settled and into a routine with the kids and getting Noah started at school is the first step. He will start on Monday; the same day Olivia will start at her new job. Noah looks a little nervous about having to start a new school in the middle of the school year in a new place where doesn't have any friends.

Amanda can see that while Liv is focused on the stove. Jesse is happy playing with her toys in the kitchen and with Frannie, so she sits next to the little boy. "Hey Noah, are you feeling okay about today?"

He looks like he's trying to act tough again. "I'm a little nervous. What if nobody likes me?"

"That will not happen, Noah. I can promise that."

"How can you promise that?" He says, his facing showing skepticism.

"Because you're an amazing little boy and anybody would be lucky to be your friend. It will probably be a little scary at first, but it's not going to as bad as you think." She reaches out her hand placing it around his shoulder and giving it an affectionate squeeze.

"Hey, Noah? Remember, at school today you can't tell anyone me and your mom used to be police officers. You say your mom works with computers and I stay at home with you. And if anyone asks, me and your mom got married since before Jesse was born."

"But isn't that lying? You're not supposed to lie."

"I know Noah, but sometimes you have to. Like right now we have to lie because we don't want the bad man that hurt me and your mom to find us."

"Because if he finds us, he might hurt you again?"

"Yes, I don't want you to worry about that. Uncle Sonny and Uncle Fin are back in New York and they're going to find him before that happens."

"But what if he does? I don't want you and mommy to get hurt." Noah said. He looks up at her. She can see the fear and apprehension in his eyes.

"That's why the marshals are here. They'll stop him before he ever gets to us. I don't want you to worry about all this Noah, okay. Everything is going to be okay." She brushes his hair away from his eyes and presses a kiss onto his forehead. "I think your mom is almost done with lunch. Why don't you go wash your hands?" Noah nods his head. Pausing to give Amanda a hug before getting up to go wash his hands.

The blonde walks out into the kitchen and sees Jesse sitting on the counter laughing with Olivia in a sight that warms her heart. "Mama, I'm helping mommy cook." She says. Jesse is really just making a mess. Stirring the pasta and sending pieces to the floor where Frannie is more than happy to eat them. The dog is sitting there and waiting for more to drop.

"Did you realize you had such a little chef on your hands, Amanda?" Liv says. She has one hand positioned on Jessie's back holding her steady and the other on the bowl to keep it from flying off the counter.

"I didn't. Wow, Jess you're doing such a good job."

Olivia turns back to Jessie and says "I think the pasta is ready Jess. Why don't you go help mama set the table and we'll all get ready to eat?" The little girl says okay and Liv lifts her off the counter. She reaches into the cabinet and grabs bowls and then reaches into the cutlery drawer and grabs forks for everyone. Liv hands them off to Amanda who takes Jesse over to the table where she helps to but the bowls in the right spots. Noah runs into the room and gets into his seat as Amanda lifts Jesse and buckles her into her booster seat. Olivia serves the food. Just a simple pasta with a butter sauce and some fresh veggies. They eat and Amanda offers to clean up since Olivia is the one who cooked.

This causes a disagreement. Their first one since this situation started. Liv wants Amanda to rest on the couch until they have to leave. The brunette is cautious with Amanda and the pregnancy. She was around this far along last time when the complications started. Olivia wants her to rest as much as possible and wants to keep her as unstressed as possible. However, this gets on the nerves of the blond who is independent and doesn't like that she being coddled by the brunette. It's the similar to how she would feel at the precinct or a crime scene when Olivia wouldn't let her out on a crime scene or interrogate someone. The blonde's emotions are a mixture of frustration over being told no, but she secretly loves how concerned Liv gets over her. She finds it comforting, Amanda has never had someone be this protective towards her. She'll never admit that out loud though

They settle on a compromise. Amanda can clean the kitchen, but when they get home from taking Noah to school the blonde promised she'll lay down for a while before dinner.

Soon, it's time to leave for Noah's new school. They again pile into the car and drive the short distance to the elementary school. Their meeting their goes well and Noah is where they need him to be for the first-grade class, he will be in. Neither women were that worried about him being behind. His teacher goes over the basic uniform he'll need and some school policies and confirms he should be all ready to start after the weekend is over. He also sends home a little of homework to help catch Noah up to the most recent lessons they're on.

Jessie had been patient all day. It was a lot of sitting around and waiting for the three-year-old. So, when they get home, she's a ball of energy, running around the house. Riling up Noah. Liv takes them and Frannie outside to try out their new wooden play set in the backyard to burn off energy. Amanda lays down on the couch close her eyes like she promised Olivia she would. The blonde likes getting to to put her feet up. The past two weeks have been stressful, and it's good to get a break for a little while.

They spend the rest of the night spending time together, just the 4 of them. Amanda and Olivia are both working to adjust to having two kids before adding a third which will happen in 2 months' time. They watch Coco together on Netflix and all take turns waiting for the baby to move against their hands.

Amanda bathes the kids today and will put them to bed since Olivia did that yesterday. Though the kids request that Olivia reads to them again both having enjoyed her doing that the night before. The baby gives a sharp kick right as she's about to start. Amanda's hand falls to her bump "I guess the baby wants you to read a story." The blonde said laughing.

Olivia leaned over, bringing her head closer to Amanda's growing belly "Hey little one. Do you want to be included too?" Her hand rests on her belly and she feels movement against her hand. Like the baby is saying yes.

"Are you talking to the baby, mommy?" Noah says.

Olivia nods her head, keeping her on Amanda's belly. She moves her hand around and rubbing in various spots, the baby moves back against her hand. "Yes."

"Why?"

"Because that way the baby will know who you are when they get here. They hear you and Jesse playing all the time. Now it's almost bedtime so if you want a story, we have to read it." Olivia reads them their book. One that Jesse picked about dogs. The little girls head is cushioned against Liv's shoulder and is drooping signaling its time to bring her to her bed. Amanda gets her up before she falls asleep and walks both kids into their rooms. She spends time with both, snuggling, and just spending some quality time. She kisses both kids on the forehead before tucking them in and saying goodnight.

Amanda goes into her and Olivia's bedroom to change into some sweatpants and isn't expecting Olivia to be in bed already. Sitting propped up against headboard under the covers. It's not that late only around 9:30.

"Hey, going to bed already?" Amanda says with her back towards Olivia. She is reaching into her drawer to get the pants she wants.

"Not yet. I wanted to talk to you. We didn't really get a chance to talk after the hospital." Both of them have been so focused on the kids.

"Sure, we can talk. Let me get changed and ready for bed." Amanda says as she moves into the attached bathroom to get changed and brush her teeth. She climbs into bed next to Olivia and gets under the covers.

"The baby treating you okay today?"

"Yeah, the baby's been calmer today. I'm also more comfortable after the seeing the doctor today."

"Are you worried about having another placental abruption?"

Amanda's hands rub up and down her stomach. "Yeah. I want things to go a lot smoother this time."

Liv covers one of Amanda's hands intertwining their fingers so they're holding her stomach together. "They will. The doctor would've told us about any problems."

"Thanks, Liv. You always make things better. I liked Noah's school. I think it's going to be good for him."

"Me too. He seems excited. Thanks for talking to him earlier."

"It's no big deal. I noticed something upset him, and I thought I could help." Then Amanda brings up something that had been sitting in the back of her mind. "Does it bother you that I won't be working for the next couple of months?"

"Honestly. No. I feel better knowing that you won't be overworking yourself and stressing yourself out. Besides, I know how hard it was, to leave Jesse with a sitter when she was only two months old. I'm happy that you're going to get as much time as you want with the baby. I'm jealous I don't get to stay home too."

Amanda smiles "You're getting the better end of the deal. You get to go to work and have me waiting for you at home barefoot and pregnant."

Liv laughs "Well I was expecting a home cooked meal waiting for me as soon as I walked in the door every day."

"If you're okay with eating take out every night then sure. I can't cook for shit Liv."

"That's okay. I don't mind doing all the cooking. Besides, I'm the one who should take care of you."

"You don't have to. No one took care of me while I was pregnant with Jesse or after and we made out okay." Amanda says shifting so she's closer to Olivia on the bed. Their fingers are still intertwined.

"I know you can, Manda, but you shouldn't have to. I want to help with this baby as much as you want me to or need me to. We're in this together now."

"This is a pretty crazy situation. I got attacked by my ex-boyfriend, who shot my friend, and now I'm pretending to be married to her and we're raising our kids together. But I wouldn't want to be here with anyone, but you Liv. I'm so happy that you're here with me."

"I'm happy that I'm here with you too." Amanda yawns all that talking wearing her out, but with the way the baby is moving she knows it's going to take her awhile to fall asleep.

"Little bean is active again tonight." Liv says feeling the movements from where her hand is still resting. "Want me to see if I can lull them to sleep again?"

"Sure, if that's going to allow me to get some sleep." Amanda rolls onto her back and Liv moves so she's lying between her legs, pulling up Amanda's shirt so she can rest her head on the bare skin. The brunette follows a similar routine as the night before. Caressing and singing to the baby, pressing kisses against Amanda's bare skin. The baby settling down in no time. "The baby likes the sound of your voice."

"I like that I'm able to help you." Liv moves so she's laying back up against the pillows and Amanda turns he head to look at her. Her hair covers her eyes. Liv reaches over tucking the strands of blonde hair behind her ear. "Good night, Amanda."

The blonde's heart is beating fast just like it does every time Liv does something sweet. The older woman had been very affectionate with her the last few days. Olivia was always reaching for her hand when they're in public, kissing her forehead, rubbing her belly. Her need to be affectionate didn't stop when they got home. Part of her is wondering if the brunette has feelings for her too and now, she's allowed to be affectionate with her because of the situation they're in.

Amanda falls asleep not long after and just like the night before she stays on her side for about five minutes after falling asleep. Again, moving towards Olivia, wrapping her arms around her, pulling her in close. Liv was hoping she would do this again. Only hoping that this time she'll wake up with Amanda still in her arms.


	4. Chapter 4

**A lot happening in this chapter. I hope you all enjoy it and thank you for all the kind reviews so far. I am having trouble with deciding if Amanda's baby should be a boy or a girl and a name for the baby. If anyone has any suggestions please leave them in the reviews or you can contact me svurolivia on twitter and tumblr. Happy Thanksgiving for those who are celebrating tomorrow and thanks for reading.**

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Amanda wakes up the same way she has woken every morning for the last week and a half. Wrapped up in Olivia's arms on the brunette's side of the bed. Her head buried into brown locks, her arm across the older woman's waist and their legs twined together. Most mornings she has tried to either sneak out of bed or roll back over before Olivia woke. Today, though she can tell that Liv is awake based on the hand running through her hand, nails brushing across her scalp and then twirling a lock of blonde hair. Amanda can't help herself and she brushes her lips against the other woman's jaw in a light kiss as she raises her head.

"Morning, Liv." She says in a voice thick with sleep making the blonde's southern accent much more prominent.

Olivia looks down at her. Over the past two weeks she had decided that this is when Amanda looked the most beautiful to her. With her blonde hair knotted and all over place, sleep still in her eyes. And her accent. The older woman loved her southern accent, something she's never told the other woman. "Good morning, Amanda."

"Sorry I'm always all over you when we go to sleep. You can wake me and tell me to move if I'm bothering you."

"You're not. I don't mind you cuddling up like this. In fact, I kind of like it. I like holding you. Cuddle up whenever you feel like. How's Bean this morning?" Liv said referring to the baby. Bean was her little nickname for Amanda's baby.

"They're good. Using my bladder as a trampoline at the moment. We've got to get up, anyway. Noah has to get ready for school and you have to get ready for work." The blonde is saying they need to get up and they do. But, given the choice this where she would spend the rest of the day.

"I know," Liv says. "We have a few minutes before we need to get up. Let's lay here a little while longer." So, they lay together for another 5 minutes before the clock tells them to start their day.

The two women fell into a school routine that worked well for them. Amanda made sure Noah was dressed, got the kids breakfast, and made the little boy's lunch, while Olivia showered and got ready for work. Joining them downstairs at some point and eating a quick breakfast with everyone. Olivia would leave, driving Noah to school on her way to her new office building. She always kissed Jesse's head and Amanda's cheek and then they left for the day. Amanda would pick him up spending the first part of her day with Jesse. The blonde loved all the extra time she got with her daughter. It bored her not working, and she missed the precinct, but she loved getting to devote so much time with both kids.

Her recent absence from SVU had given her time to reflect on her time as a cop and Amanda concluded that it wasn't a healthy environment for her anymore. All those years working there affected her and not in a good way. She was taking the cases to heart more and more and then Esther happened. Amanda's outburst of angered occurred more often now. Yelling at Liv, throwing chairs during interrogations, and pushing people to the floor. The blonde never dealt with all the trauma she endured over the years. Especially Esther, she hasn't been able to go a day without thinking about Esther since she died. The younger woman could not get over the feeling that she failed her. Maybe this break would be a good thing for her. To get away from everything for a while and get her head on straight. Her urges to gamble grew stronger and stronger. And while she would never have put Jesse or the new baby at risk by gambling, getting out of New York and away from the temptation was a good thing. Given the choice Amanda isn't even sure she wanted to go back to SVU if the choice to arose.

Olivia also enjoyed their new life together. She liked going to work and coming home at the same time every night. Liv enjoyed working with the computer software and she liked her coworkers. Sure, she missed being a cop, but you wouldn't see her complaining about not being woken up by her phone ringing at 2 o'clock in the morning. Someone asking her to come to a horrific crime scene. Now the only thing waking her up was Jesse who woke up from nightmares every once awhile. Most likely related to what she experienced that night with Al. Liv got up with her most nights and soothing the little girl back to sleep. It had become a bonding experience for them. Liv never took long to get her settled. Frannie took up residence in Jesse's room at night. All she needed was a few hugs from Liv and a cuddle from her dog and she went back to sleep. Noah settled in well. He already met a new best friend at school and he enjoyed his role as a big brother. Olivia also noted a pretty big change in his behavior. While Noah sometimes bent the rules, overall, his behavior improved over the last two weeks. He liked it here, and he liked that his mom and more time for him and that Amanda's consistent presence at home helped. The boy seemed to crave some stability that's what they gave him here.

"Hi, Mama." Noah said, later that day running out of school to give Amanda a big hug. She wrapped her arms around him, ruffling his hair. He hugged her for a moment before pulling away. Noah and Jesse greeting each other with an enthusiastic hello and a big hug and then petting Frannie's head.

"Hey Bud. Have a good day?" Amanda asked him as they walked home. It only took 15-minutes to walk to Noah's school. So, on warmer days, she'd walk down with Jesse and Frannie to get him and they would all walk home together.

"Yeah a great day."

They finished their walk home. Noah and Jesse talking about their plans for Lego towers and the games they wanted to play together today. Amanda liked the little bond they formed. They alternated most days between playing together and arguing with each other. One of them would get mad and storm out of the room. 5 minutes later they'd be playing together again. Kind of like real siblings would. The kids ran around like crazy, playing, laughing, and fighting after school. Olivia came home right on time and greeted everyone with a hug. She made a quick dinner, and they spent the rest of the night playing with Frannie and the kids before putting them to bed for the night.

One of Amanda loved the time she got to spend with Liv after the kids went to bed. They sat on the couch together or laid in bed and they talked. About anything and everything. The women's friendship had been becoming stronger, but now they were learning a lot more about each other. Today they looked through some photo albums that Olivia brought with her. Liv filled with photographs of the squad over the years. Liv had been telling Amanda stories about some lighter moments that happened before she arrived.

"Did I ever tell you about the time I accidently got high on mushrooms when arresting a suspect?"

Amanda laughs "No. How the hell did that happen?"

"We arrested this guy who study fungi. I lifted lid on a pot he used and breathed in the fumes."

"What happened?"

"It didn't hit me until Elliot and I interrogated him. I accused our suspect of stabbing the captain with a pickle and then I passed out. Elliot pretended someone exposed him to mushrooms later on in to court to get a continuance." The blonde laughs, a real laugh from her belly and then she gets solemn.

"Do you miss him? Elliot, I mean."

"No, not anymore. Over the years I've realized that what Elliot and I's relationship wasn't healthy. We got too close and codependent. I would like to talk to him again to get closure, to know why he left without a word. But I don't want him back in my life if that makes sense." Liv said.

"It does."

"I'm sorry for how I treated you when you first joined the squad. I wasn't nice to you and you only wanted to be my friend. I had a lot going and so much happened right before you arrived and I kind of took it out on you. I'm sorry, Amanda." Olivia said reaching a hand out across the couch cushions they are sitting on, grabbing the blonde's hand. She's staring into bright blue eyes. Amanda can see the emotion reflecting in them.

"It's okay, Liv. I mean I came on pretty strong with my introduction and I don't blame you for being a little standoffish. God, the way I introduced myself to you was so embarrassing." Amanda pulls her hand away from Olivia and covers her face with both.

"It wasn't that bad, Manda." Liv says as she is attempting to stop Amanda from hiding her face.

"I ambushed you and I came off like a crazy fangirl."

"You did not. Babe, look at me." Amanda does surprised Olivia is using a pet name when they're hanging out on the couch together. "I know I pretty much dismissed you but I liked you. I kept my distance from you for a reason."

"Why's that?"

"Let's just say blonde women are a weakness of mine." Before Amanda can respond Liv vacates the couch saying she was going to take a shower before going to bed. She leaves the blonde in a state of confusion on the couch. Trying to work out what Olivia meant in her head.

The obvious solution is he brunette found her attractive, but that was hard for the younger woman to believe. She had liked Olivia for so long and part of her still had trouble comprehending that Liv might feel the same way about her. Sure, the other women was showing all the obvious signs that she was attracted to Amanda. But, having to pretend to be a married couple made all this a little more confusing. The easiest thing to do would to just lay everything out in the open and tell the brunette how she felt about her. That could go wrong thought. If Olivia had been acting this whole time that would make the rest of their time here together awkward since right now its and an indefinite amount of time. The blonde didn't know how much longer she could hide her feelings. Not when Olivia is being so sweet to her all the time. She was making it really hard for Amanda. Sometimes all she wanted to do was grab Olivia and kiss her.

Liv for her part also had a lot on her mind. She has strong feelings for the blonde, but part of her doesn't think they are in the best position to start something real between them. Amanda should focus on the baby and Liv doesn't want to add any other stress to her. She's always been protective towards Amanda and sometimes she did not express that protectiveness positively. Now, her need to protect the other woman is only going stronger. Olivia is also confused on how the younger woman feels about her. She always seems a little uncomfortable when she gets affectionate towards her. But, at the same time Amanda always found her way into Olivia's arms at night. So, she might have feelings too. It's confusing, and she's planning on having a serious conversation with Amanda.

Liv finishes up with her shower and gets dressed in the bathroom, brushing her teeth and getting ready for bed. She's surprised that Amanda isn't waiting for her in bed. They were going to bed at the same time since they arrived in Colorado. Liv liked their routine, and she had been looking forward to talking to the baby tonight like she every other night. She sits on the bed and waits for 10 maybe 15 minutes and the blonde still hasn't come into the room. Olivia knows Amanda might not have been ready to go to bed, or Frannie didn't want to come inside. Their backyard was pretty big, and Frannie didn't always want to come in the house. But Liv can't help but be a little worried right now. She walks back downstairs calling Amanda's name on her way down the stairs. Finding her on the same spot on the couch she had been when the brunette went upstairs. "Hey Manda, you okay? I've been waiting for you upstairs. Are you okay? Is bean okay?"

"Me and bean are fine Liv. I'm just thinking. Sorry I worried you."

"Will you stop apologizing all the time? It's unnecessary. What's on your mind that's keeping you up? It's getting pretty late."

"It's nothing. I just have a lot on my mind. Go to bed Liv I'll be up in a little while."

"Are you sure you don't want to tell me what's bothering you?" Olivia said sitting down next to Amanda on the couch, reaching an arm out so it is draped behind her. Amanda. But the younger woman pulls away from her. Liv's face is filled with confusion. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Honestly, Olivia you're so hard to figure out. Why are you always being so affectionate all the time? We're not in public, the kids are asleep. There's no reason for you to be all touchy with me." Amanda says feeling guilty immediately. She knows she's not being fair to the other women, and it kills her to see the hurt on Olivia's face.

"I, I'm sorry, Amanda I didn't know I was bothering you so much. From now on I'll keep my hands to myself. Why don't you go up to bed? I'll sleep down here tonight so I don't get in your space tonight."

Amanda reaches out wrapping one hand around Liv's wrist and bring the other one up to her face, cupping her. "Liv wait I didn't mean that. I love when you hold me and kiss my cheek and call me pet names. But I can't tell if you're doing this because you have feelings for me or because of this crazy situation we're in. I guess I'm confused, and I took that out on you." Liv wraps her arms around the other woman's neck, fingers threading in blonde hair.

"Oh Amanda, I like you so much, but I didn't think you would like me back."

"Liv, I've had a huge crush on you since before I had even met you in person. God, we're both idiots aren't we. We've been right in front of each other this entire time." She says bringing their foreheads together, bringing her other hand up to cup Liv's other cheek.

"We aren't idiots, I don't think we were ready for this before because this is the real deal."

"And we are now?"

"Yeah. Amanda, can I kiss you?"

The blonde doesn't respond instead leaning in and kissing the older woman for the first time. It takes Olivia a moment to respond, but then she does sucking on Amanda's bottom lip causing the other woman to let out a small moan. They pull away for a moment to catch their breath and then they're both leaning back in. The blonde works her tongue between the other woman's lips, slipping in into her mouth. Now it's Liv's turn to moan. Hands start wander getting close to slipping under clothing. All the years of pent up sexual attraction being released. They pull away from each other again, panting, chests heaving.

"We need to stop." Olivia pants out.

"Why?" Amanda says looking like she's gearing up for another round of kissing.

"The kids. I don't want to get too carried away on the couch because I know if we do one of them will wander down here. Let's go upstairs. It's past midnight and bean and I still need to have our nightly talk. Besides, we need our rest, baby."

They go up to bed this time Amanda falls asleep with Olivia spooning her from behind. The next day would be busy. Thanksgiving was on Thursday and they still had to go shopping. Liv didn't have to go to work which excited the blonde. Getting to spend some extra time with Liv after becoming a very new couple.

The next morning went a little different. Olivia wakes up before their alarm and kisses the blond awake. Peppering kisses along her neck and cheek until Amanda turns around. "Morning, sweetheart." Liv says.

"Morning." Amanda says and then takes Olivia's hand placing it on her bump to where she can feel the baby moving and flipping in her stomach. "Bean wants to say good morning too I guess."

"I hope the baby's a girl. Boy or girl I want them to be healthy, but I'd like to have another girl."

"Another girl would be nice but, it might be nice for Noah to have a little brother. So, he's not surrounded by girls. Not that it's a bad thing."

"No, I get what you mean. Why don't you take it easy this morning? I'll get the kids ready and drop Noah off."

"Remember, he has a half a day today and Hunter's mom is going to pick Jessie up from here and Noah from school for their play date." Hunter is Noah's best friend at school whose little sister a year older than Jesse. She invited the kids over for the afternoon to play. Liv and Amanda would pick them up after dinner.

"I remember." Liv says pecking Amanda on the lips before getting out of bed to wake Noah. The little boy went off to school without issue. Jesse crawled into bed with the younger woman while Olivia got Noah ready. The little girl was craving cuddles with her mama. Frannie joined them. That's how the older woman finds after she dropped Noah off. "Hey you two. How's my favorite girls doing?"

"Noah get to school okay?"

"Yeah." Liv says slipping her shoes off and climbing into bed on the other side of Jesse. She kisses the little girl's head and smoothing blonde hair away from her face.

Jesse sits up moving to get a hug from Olivia. "Hi mommy. I'm hungry."

"You're hungry? Well, what would you like to eat?"

"Pancakes."

"Pancakes okay with you and Bean?" The older asks Amanda.

"Sounds good."

Liv makes Jesse the pancakes she requested and they spend the morning playing whatever game the little girl wants to play. Hunter's mom Julie comes to pick her up. They get ready to head to the store to pick up items required to make their Thanksgiving meal for the next day. The drive to the grocery store isn't long, but it doesn't take long to get anywhere in Georgetown. This place is nothing like New York and reminds Amanda of where she grew up in Loganville. This should be interesting considering neither women had ever cooked a Thanksgiving meal before. Considering the abusive environments, they both grew up in, holidays never got acknowledged very much. Amanda's parents were always too busy fighting and her father always gambled all their money away so they never did much. Liv's mother was too drunk to cook a meal on a normal day let alone for a big holiday meal. But both women wanted to do right by their children and give them the childhood and holidays they never had.

Amanda moves to a different part of the store than Olivia to get the gravy they forgot. On her way back, she sees the older woman talking to a man whose touching her hand and whose body language exudes that he is flirting. The brunette doesn't look like she is receptive to the attention, but that doesn't stop the jealousy that is growing beneath the surface. Later she would try to blame it on her pregnancy hormones, but right now she wants that man away from Liv. She stalks over to her placing the gravy into their cart and then wrapping her arm around her. She presses a lingering kiss to her cheek. "Hey baby, who's your new friend?"

Her tone is conversational, but the look on her face is clearly get the fuck away from my girlfriend.

"I'm John and you are?" The stranger introduces himself reaching a hand how for to shake. "I was just introducing myself to Olivia here."

"Amanda, I'm her wife." The interaction turns very awkward and John excuses himself. Liv turns to the blonde woman an amused smile on her face. "What?"

"You were jealous."

"I was not."

"You so were. He was just being nice."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Liv pecks the other woman on the lips "Sure you don't."

Amanda's cheeks flush bright red "I'm sorry, Liv I don't get jealous like that I don't know what happened."

"It's okay, baby. Why don't we finish shopping and maybe we could go to dinner kind of like a first date?"

"I'd love that." So, they do. Finishing the shopping and popping home to put the groceries away and to let Frannie out.

They go for an early dinner at a small restaurant before picking up two exhausted kids. So, they head to bed much earlier than usual.

The next day is busy. Amanda and Olivia want to make their first holiday as a family a special one. They make a ton of food and they watch football because Amanda enjoys it even though it makes Liv a little nervous. She trusts Manda isn't going to gamble anymore, but that doesn't stop her from worrying when it comes to the younger woman and sports. They manage to sneak in several kisses and they were having trouble keeping their hands to themselves. The kids had a ton of fun today. Now they can't wait for Bean to get here to join in on the fun.


	5. Chapter 5

Olivia and Amanda were settling into their new relationship. It was the day after Thanksgiving and the younger women had gotten out of bed early. Venturing downstairs around 4:30 in the morning, standing in the kitchen by the fridge staring off into space. She wasn't able to sleep for a variety of reasons. Mostly, being that she was uncomfortable because of the weight of her pregnant belly, the baby was making her have to go to the bathroom constantly. And the main reason she couldn't seem to shut her mind off. Her thoughts had been running in circles since her and Olivia had gone to bed several hours ago. Liv was doing all the right things. She was so sweet and thoughtful. The brunette takes care of her and the kids. But, part of Amanda can't help but doubt the feelings the older woman says she has for her. Her insecurities getting the best of her once again. The blonde thinks the world of Liv and she always has. Even before she met her. Part of her cannot rationalize that someone like Olivia could want to be with her. It doesn't make sense to her. The main part of her doubt has to do with the situation they are in. They've been forced into a relationship, playing a happy couple, living together, sleeping in the same bed. She's bracing herself for the moment the marshals come to their door and tell them Al has been arrested or is no longer a threat to them. Amanda has convinced herself that Olivia will come to her sense and leave her when that happens. Liv is going to realize that she had just gotten caught up in the moment and that she never really had feelings for her at all. And she will leave Amanda and decide that she never wants to see or talk to her again. Olivia's feelings are going to turn to embarrassment because she let herself get wrapped up in a fake relationship. Amanda knows losing Noah would be just as painful as losing Liv in her life. The detective knows how irrational this is. Olivia is not someone who plays games in relationships. Still knowing something and believing something are two different things.

Amanda is so caught up in her thoughts she doesn't notice Liv walking up behind her. She jumps when she feels the brunette's strong arms wrap around her waist. A kiss is pressed just under her ear. "Hey sweetheart, what are you doing up so early?"

"Couldn't sleep. Why don't you go back to bed?"

"Are you going to come with me?"

"No, I'll just keep you up with my tossing and turning. I'm going to hang out down here. Make some tea, maybe watch a movie on Netflix."

"Then I'll stay down here with you. We can cuddle and watch Netflix together. I'll make you some tea and coffee for myself while you pick a movie." Amanda shrugs out of Liv's arms, turning to face her.

"You know you don't always have to hover like this and I can make myself something to drink. I'm not an invalid. Go back to sleep Liv I want to be by myself." The younger woman turns away again, stalking over to the kettle grabbing it and going to fill it.

"I don't want to go back to bed because I can't sleep without you in the bed. You can't keep doing this Amanda." Olivia says her tone a mixture of hurt and anger.

"Doing what?"

"Something's bothering you. I've been able to tell that since I walked down here. Instead of telling me what's wrong you have a habit of pushing me away and lashing out at me. You've been doing that for years. We're together now Amanda. You can't lash out every time you're upset, or this is never going to last. Manda, baby, please talk to me because I want this to work." Liv said moving closer to the younger woman who is still standing by the stove, not facing the other woman.

Amanda turns to face her girlfriend, leaning in and capturing her lips in a brief, but deep kiss. "I'm sorry, Olivia, I've got a lot on my mind right now and you're right it's not fair of me to take it out on you. My insecurities are getting the best of me right now."

"It's okay, Amanda. Go sit on the couch I'll make your tea okay. We're going to talk and we'll figure out what's going on in that head of yours." Liv said walking over and smoothing a strand of blonde hair away from Amanda's face and pressing a kiss to her forehead. The blonde nods her head and walks into the next room. She grabs a blanket to wrap herself in and thinks about what she will tell Olivia. Liv busies herself making their drinks. She takes a few minutes to do so and then she walks back out to the living room where Amanda is relaxing on the tan couch cushions. She sits down next to her and says "Here's your tea, baby. Now, what's wrong?"

Amanda stares off into the distance "Everything. I'm scared of Al. Every time we leave the house, I'm terrified that I will see him lurking somewhere. I'm scared for this baby and how they will react knowing the kind of guy their father is. But, most of all I'm scared that you're going to wake up one day and realize this was all one big mistake and your gonna leave me."

"Woah, Amanda I'm not going to leave. Why would you think that?"

"Because everyone else does. No one ever sticks around for long. You're going to realize you can do much better than me and you're going to leave. I'm not good enough for you Liv."

Olivia moves off the couch and kneels on the floor in front of Amanda. Reaching out to grab her hands squeezing them tight. "Amanda, I'm not going anywhere. I'm never going to leave you unless you tell me you don't want me anymore. Even if you did, I wouldn't go without fighting like hell for you first. This right here is the only place I want to be. Me, you, Frannie and the kids this is perfect. It's everything I have ever wanted in life. God, Amanda I'm so lucky to have you as my girlfriend. I've wanted you for so long. Amanda look at me." The younger woman does tentative moving to meet Liv's eyes. "I'm not going anywhere. Everything you're feeling about Al makes sense. I'm scared too. Every time I leave the house to go to work, I hold my breath and pray he's not going to find you while I'm at work. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something bad happened to you or one of the kids."

Amanda nods her head, tears had started falling out of her bright blue eyes. "I'm sorry Liv. My hormones are all over the place right now. I know you're not going anywhere."

Olivia moves back onto the couch and gets a pensive look on her face. "Can I ask you a question about something that's been bothering me?"

"I guess."

"That night with Al, was that the first time he hit you?" The detective looks away again. Tears starting fresh and shaking her head no. "When did it start?"

"He was abusive from the start, but he never hit me like that before. Al was controlling and manipulative. I guess it started with verbal abuse. Insults, he would put me down a lot, and he accused me of cheating on him constantly. Except he cheated on me with escorts the entire time we were together and I never slept with anyone else. I broke up with him and then Esther happened and I got depressed and self-destructive. I wouldn't gamble with Jesse in the picture, so I went to back to one of my old vices. Sleeping with men who I know are bad for me." Her hands fall to her stomach "And that's how this one happened. I told him I was pregnant, and I got back with him because I didn't want this baby to grow up without their father like Jesse is. The abuse got worse. He would grab my arms and squeeze and he started to push me around. That night he sent flowers to the precinct and said they were for the baby, the night before he slapped me across me the face. That was the first time he hit me. Those flowers were an apology."

"Why didn't you tell anyone? We would have helped you?"

"I was embarrassed, and I didn't want to be the SVU detective who let herself get beat up by her boyfriend."

"You didn't let him do anything Amanda. He's a dangerous man. That night when you told me about your dad. You mentioned being mad at your mom for letting him hit her. You were talking about yourself, too?"

"Yeah, I guess I so." And then Amanda starts to cry, really cry. Sobs racking her body. Liv pulls her into a tight embrace. The blonde muttering repeatedly about how stupid she's been and how she messed up again.

"You're not stupid Amanda and you didn't mess up again. Shush sweetheart you need to calm down." She pulls away from the other woman. "Amanda, Amanda you need to relax. This isn't good for Bean, you being this upset. Take a deep breath for me. Follow my breathing." Amanda does breathing deeply several times until her breathing settles down.

"I'm okay now. God, I'm such a mess. I don't even know why you're with me."

"Because I love you."

Amanda whips her head up, so she is making eye contact with Olivia. "You love me?"

"Yes, I do. I love you so much Amanda and I know this might be too soon to tell you, but I needed to tell you."

The younger woman leans over, resting her forehead against her girlfriend, hands grasping hers. "I love you too, Olivia."

They meet in a deep kiss; it doesn't take long for their tongues to work into each other's mouth. Hands grasp hair and moves under clothing. Amanda had been hesitant about taking her relationship to the next level right now. She was just about 8 months pregnant and she wasn't feeling confident with her body at the moment. But Olivia's hands found her breasts, and the blonde wanted her. Liv massaged her breast before finding her nipple and rolling it between her thumb and index finger. This caused the blonde to let out a moan. She moves her mouth away from the older woman's lips and finds her neck kissing and sucking her way down to her pulse point.

Olivia is panting, but she has enough of her sanity left to say "Upstairs. I don't want our first time to be on a couch."

They separate long enough to make their way into their bedroom. Locking the door and undressing each other. Liv takes Amanda's pajama shirt off and her mouth finds already hard nipples. She sucks one into her mouth and uses her fingers on the other. Amanda is doing her best not to wake the kids with her moans. The last thing either one of them wants is for the kids to wake up and interrupt him. She reaches for Olivia's shirt pulling it off of her and then reaches for pants pulling them and her the brunette's panties down. Before moving to pull on Olivia's nipples. Liv switches breasts using her tongue and mouth on the left while her hand works the right. Until Amanda pulls her head back up to her mouth. They kiss again and the brunette helps Amanda remove the rest of her clothes before they fall onto the bed side by side.

"You're so beautiful, baby." Liv says her voice thick with arousal. Her hand travels down towards the other woman's sex. "Can I touch you?"

"Yes, as long as I can feel you too." Olivia nods her head yes and moves her hand between Amanda's legs while the blonde does the same. "You're so wet baby." The younger woman says the arousal making her accent thicker.

Liv lets out a sound akin to a growl from the back of her throat "I love your accent. It's so sexy." Her hand finds Amanda's clit and rubs circles on it with two fingers. This causes more moans from the blonde who is pushing two fingers into Olivia at the same time. "Right there Amanda." She says letting out moans of her own before Liv captures her lips in another kiss.

"Baby, I need you to put your fingers inside me." Liv complies entering her girlfriend with two, then three fingers. From the moans in the room, both can tell that they're both close. "C'mon Liv, I'm so close come with me baby. I want you to come with me."

They explode within moments of each other. Moaning out each other's names. They come down from their highs and snuggling with each other.

"I love you, Liv." Amanda says, eyelids drooping. Her exhaustion from not sleeping the night before finally catching up to her.

"Love you too, Manda. Get some sleep." They settle down into the pillows together. Amanda rolling over so Liv can spoon her from behind. They pull the blanket up to cover their sweat soaked bodies and they fall asleep together.

Oliva wakes up a few hours later to loud, persistent knocking on her door. Two voices calling out Mom. She reluctantly pulls away from Amanda who is getting some much-needed rest. Liv pulls on some clothes and opens the door to two hungry children. She checks the time and realizes it's close to 10 and the brunette feels bad she hadn't got up to make the kids breakfast sooner. So, to make up for she makes a batch of chocolate chip pancakes much to the kids delight.

"Where's mama?" Jesse says in between bites of pancakes.

"She's still sleeping the baby makes mama tired. Hey, do you to want to write your letters to Santa today?"

This gets a loud cheer from both children. Liv gets Noah a piece of paper and a pencil so he can write his list out while she helps Jesse with hers. Olivia is excited for Christmas this year. She wants to make it fun for the kids. She enjoys hearing all the silly things Jesse wants Santa to bring her. Things only a 3-year-old would come up with.

Amanda comes downstairs around 11 dressed in sweatpants and a comfy shirt, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She greets both kids with a kiss on top of their heads and leaves a lingering kiss on Olivia's lips.

"Mama, you were asleep for a long time." Jesse says.

"I was exhausted. What are you guys up to?"

"Writing letters to Santa. Noah said.

"Well that's cool. What time do we need to drop them at Hunter's?" Amanda asked Liv.

"Around 1."

The blonde had another OBGYN appointment today, and they were excited to see the baby again. After the appointment they planned to go out to an early dinner and discuss some baby names. Bean would be here in about a month and Amanda had no idea what she wanted to name them. She hoped that Liv had ideas. Amanda had thought about asking Noah if he had any suggestions. Jesse was a little too young to help, but she Noah might like to be involved in choosing. He had been curious about the baby. Always asking questions, wanting to feel the baby, and making sure Amanda was doing okay. He's a sensitive little boy who was just as compassionate and caring as his mother. Both women are dreading the question they think will come soon. When Noah asks about when he was a baby. The little boy doesn't know he's adopted yet and Olivia didn't know how to navigate that conversation without him getting hurt. But it would have to happen.

The few hours between breakfast and Amanda's appointment is spent with both women showering separately and playing with kids. Then they dropped the kids off at Hunter's and drove to the doctor's office. Dr. Pierce notices a change in the relationship between the two women. While Olivia had seemed hesitant to touch Amanda a few weeks ago, now she was being open with her affectionate. She takes her spot next to Amanda right away, holding her hand and brushing blonde hair from her eyes with the other. "How have you been feeling Amanda?"

"I'm getting more uncomfortable. The baby feels like they're getting stronger."

"Has there been a lot of movement?"

"Yeah, it's like they never stop moving."

"Any contractions?"

"A few."

Liv perks up at that answer "you didn't tell me that."

"Because not that big of deal just Braxton Hicks." Olivia still looks concerned.

"Olivia." Dr. Pierce says. "Amanda is right it is perfectly normal to be having Braxton Hicks right now. As long as they're not too painful and they don't come in quick intervals there's nothing to worry about. Now let's check how the baby is growing."

She instructs Amanda to pull her shirt up so she can do the ultrasound. Putting gel on her belly and moving the wand around until the baby's heartbeat fills the room. It's still nice and strong. Exactly where it should be. The baby is also growing as they should be, and the placenta is still attached like it should be. Everything is progressing how it should be which is a relief for Amanda. After every doctor's appointment she feels like she can hold her breath less. They finish up with Dr. Pierce and make an appointment for next week. Dr. Pierce wants to see Amanda every week now since her abruption didn't occur until late in her pregnancy. They want to keep a close eye on her to make sure Amanda doesn't start to hemorrhage during labor again. And mom and baby can both have a safe delivery.

They arrive at a small Italian restaurant and sit at their table.

"Hey, Amanda? Will you at least tell me next time you have contractions?" Liv asks after they order their drinks and food. Still bothered that Amanda hadn't told her about it before.

The blonde nods her head. "I'm sorry, Liv I guess I'm still getting used to having someone to tell. It didn't really seem like something you would have wanted to know."

Liv reaches over grabbing the younger woman's hand. "I want to be as involved as you want me to. Don't ever be afraid to tell me anything. Trust me, I want to know."

"Well, do you want to be involved in choosing a name for Bean?" Amanda asks her.

"Of course, I do. What names were you thinking?"

"I have no idea. I took a long time to settle on Jesse. What names do you like?"

"I've always loved the name Asher for a little boy or Henry."

Amanda pauses like she is contemplating both names "I love Asher and I've got a few ideas for a girl now that I think about it."

"Yeah, you tell me yours and then I'll tell you mine."

"Addison and Grace."

"I like those and I also like the name Emerson. We could call her Emmy."

Amanda perks up. "Emerson what do you think Bean? Do you want to be named that if you're a girl?" She feels a kick against her hand. Coincidental, but Amanda takes it as a sign that Emmy is their girl name. "Bean likes it too."

"So, we have Emerson for a girl. What about our boy name?"

Amanda thinks about it for a second. "Asher."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, it feels right."

"That went quicker than I expected."

"Well we still have time to change our minds."

"What about a middle name?"

"I kind of had an idea about that."

Liv looks skeptical "What's your idea?"

"What if we let Noah pick the middle name? Of course, we'll have the final say, but I want him to be involved. He's always so curious about the baby and I thought he would like that." Amanda says looking sheepish.

Olivia smiles "He'd love it. I love how much you love my son Amanda." She looks away staring at a picture on the wall. "You looked for him like he was your own last year when Sheila took him. I never told you how much that meant to me."

"He's a part of you Liv and I love every part of you." The blonde says her face showing how serious of a statement that was. "Besides, I know if it was Jesse you would have done the same thing."

"You're right. I would have. Jesse she's like the daughter I never thought I would have. I love you Amanda."

"Love you too Liv."


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for the short update and the delay. I had finals for school over the last few weeks so, I wasn't able to write as much. But, I'm on winter break and plan on updating several times over the next month or so. Thanks for reading and please review**

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The rest of the weekend and Monday was pretty ordinary until just after noon when Amanda received a call from Noah's school. It was his principal asking that she come to school and pick him up. Telling her the 6-year-old had gotten into a fight with another kid during lunch. She texted Olivia to let her know what was going on and that she would call her after she talked to Noah. Then Amanda got Jesse ready to go and drove over to the school. She makes her way to the principal Mrs. Ross. Amanda enters the office shaking her hand and then taking a seat. Jesse is given her cell phone to occupy her while the adults talk. Noah is sitting in the other chair his clothes and hair disheveled, a scrape across his chin and bruise on his cheek.

"Ms. Rollins, thanks for coming in. I think the three of us should have a talk before you take Noah home. He won't tell us why he hit Nicholas."

"Noah started the fight? That doesn't seem like him at all." Amanda said now more concerned about Noah's actions that day.

"Yes, he did."

Amanda turns towards Noah "Hey bud, can you tell me what happened at lunch? I can tell something is bothering you, but I can't do anything about it if you don't tell me what it is."

"Nicky said it was wrong that I have to moms. He said it was gross and that people were supposed to have a mom and a dad. I told him that I didn't have a dad and he said I had to have had one. But, I don't. Jesse and the baby don't either. I got really mad at him and I hit him." Noah says still angry and upset about what happened.

Principal Ross looks between the two of them. "I think you and your wife need to have a talk with Noah. He'll have to write a letter of apology to Nicholas. Also, he will be suspended from school tomorrow. It's school policy." Mrs. Ross adds when she can see that Amanda is about to argue the suspension part. "We don't tolerate physical violence at this school and if this happens again, he will be expelled. You can take him home now."

They exit the office and walk back out to the car. "Manda, is it true? That everyone has to have a dad and that it's wrong to have two mommies?"

Amanda doesn't know what to say or how to navigate this topic. She also knows that she has to answer him. The blonde decides she has to be honest. "There is nothing wrong with having two moms or two dads. All families are different. There is no right or wrong way to be one. A family is just made up of people that love you. Like mommy and I love you and Jesse. Some people think it's wrong. But there is nothing wrong with loving who you love, Noah."

Amanda tries to avoid the first part his question. She doesn't know exactly how to explain this to him without telling him he's adopted. Which she doesn't really think it's her place to tell him that. Olivia should be the one to discuss that with him.

"You didn't answer my first question. Why won't you?"

"Yes, Noah everyone has a dad. Not everyone's dad is involved in their life thought."

"Why?"

"Because sometimes they can't be or they weren't ready to have a baby." Amanda says choosing her words carefully.

"Where's Jesse's dad and mine then and Beans?" Noah said. He is in one of his stubborn moods and Amanda knows when he gets like this he won't stop until he gets an answer to his questions.

They arrive back at their house and Amanda is able to delay the conversation long enough to get Jesse settled with some toys on the floor. She sits with Noah at the kitchen table in the next room. "Jesse's dad is a police officer and he works undercover a lot to catch bad guys. She sees him sometimes, but not very often. Bean's dad is not a nice man and they'll probably never meet him." Amanda pauses contemplating if this is the right thing to say. "Your dad died Noah. When you were just a baby."

"How'd he die?" Noah asks.

"He was shot, Noah. Your dad. Your dad did a lot of bad things to people Noah. You never really had much contact with him."

Noah looks concerned. His eyes get big with worry. "He didn't hurt mommy, did he?"

"No, he didn't."

"Grandma Sheila told me someone named Ellie was my really mommy, but that she died because some bad men hurt. I didn't believe her though. But she was right, wasn't she?" Noah starts to get angry. Getting up from the table, is hands balling into fists. Amanda knows the look on her face probably gave he away. "Mommy's been lying to me this whole time and you have to?"

Noah storms out of the room. "Noah, we didn't think you were ready to know. We were going to tell you." Amanda says following him, grabbing his arm to stop him from getting away. Noah turns around and pushes her. The blonde stumbling backwards. He walks over to where Jesse is building a tower with her blocks and knocks it over on purpose. Pushing Jesse over when she tries to stop him.

"Mama, Noah's being mean." Jesse says on the verge of crying. The kids argue sometimes, but Noah had never been like this towards her.

"Shut up Jesse. Stop being a baby."

"Noah." Amanda says in a stern tone of voice. "That wasn't nice. I want you to apologize to Jesse and then go up to your room to cool off."

"No." He says crossing his arms over his chest.

"Noah, I told you to do something. Say sorry to Jesse and then go to your home."

"No."

"I'm not going to tell you again, Noah."

Noah looks at her with anger in his eyes. "No. I don't I have to listen to anything you say. You're not my mom and I can't wait until we can go back to New York. I don't want to live with you or Jesse anymore. I hate you."

Amanda knows he's angry and doesn't mean what he's saying, but his comments still hurt her. A lot. Jesse is crying now and Amanda goes over to where she's sitting. Scooping her up and rubbing her back. She can feel tears welling in her own eyes. "Go upstairs Noah and stay there until Mommy gets home."

He does so. Stomping his way up the steps and slamming the door when he gets into his bedroom. Amanda sits on the couch, Jesse in her lap as much as she can be. Frannie jumps up next to him, licking their faces trying to provide some comfort. Amanda's phone rings and she knows its Liv. The older woman is probably wondering why the blonde hadn't called her yet.

She answers, "Hey Liv."

"Amanda what's wrong?" Olivia can tell by the way her voice sounds that she's upset.

"It's pretty rough over here." And then she recounts how the last hour and half went. What she told Noah and what Noah said to her.

"I'm coming home." Liv says once Amanda finishes.

"You don't have to do that Olivia."

"No, I do. He's my son and I want to talk to him about his behavior. How we talked to you today was completely unacceptable. I'll be home in a half an hour." Liv hangs up the phone and Amanda goes back to trying to comfort Jesse.

Olivia arrives home right when she said she would be. She greets Jesse by picking her up and wrapping her in a tight hug, kissing her cheek. Liv's doing her best to give the little girl some comfort. Noah and Jesse are close and she knows Jesse's feelings are hurt. Then she goes to Amanda. Wrapping her arms around her in a tight hug, kissing her on the lips and whispering words of comfort in her ear.

"Why don't you and Jesse go lay in our bed and watch a movie? I think she could use some mama time while I check on Noah."

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Hey Jesse, want to watch a movie with me?"

The little girl nods her head and Amanda takes her hand and leads her up the steps to their bedroom. Frannie following them. Liv composes herself and prepares to have a tough conversation with her son. She walks up the steps and knocks on Noah's door calling his name before opening it. "Hey Noah. Can we talk?"

"Go away. I don't want to talk to you." Noah is sitting with a bag packed with clothes. "I'm going back to New York and you can't stop me."

"Noah let's calm down, okay. I know you're having a hard time with everything today, but the way you behaved was unacceptable. You need to apologize to Mama and Jesse and then we're going to have a nice long talk about what happened today. Noah, what you said really hurt Mama and Jesse's feelings. Your words can hurt people just as much as hitting them can. And you should not have pushed Jesse and messed with her toys and pushing Mama was very dangerous Noah. You could have hurt Bean."

He starts look guilty, lowering his gaze to the floor. "I didn't mean to hurt anyone, but I was really mad."

"Noah, it doesn't matter how angry you are. You never put your hands on someone else. Now, are you ready to apologize?"

"Yes, Mommy. I'm sorry for what I said and I don't want to go back to New York without you or Mama." He said hugging her tight and starting to cry.

"It's okay. I forgive you sweet boy and I love you so much. We're going to talk and you can ask me any questions you want and I promise I'll answer all the ones I can." Liv says kissing Noah's forehead.

He pulls away from Olivia and walks to his door opening it and making his way into Amanda and Liv's room. Jesse has fallen asleep and Noah carefully climbs on the bed towards the blonde who is sitting up against the headboard. He wraps his arm around her shoulders resting his head in the crook of her neck. She hugs him back. Liv waits just outside the door letting the two of them have their moment.

"I'm sorry, Mama." Noah says. "I don't hate you and I'm happy that you're my mommy now too." He's crying into her neck. "Mommy said I could have hurt Bean when I pushed you and I didn't mean to do that. I love living here with you and Jesse." He's talking so fast that Amanda is having trouble understanding him.

"Slow down, bud. I'm not mad at you and I know you didn't mean what you said. Oh, calm down, Noah you're going to make yourself sick."

"I love you, Mama."

"I love you too. Bud." Amanda says soothing him.

"Baby, you want to come talk with us? I promised Noah I'd answer his questions and you were there for most of it."

"Sure." Amanda climbs out of bed and they go back into Noah's room. All three of them sitting on the little boy's bed. Noah in the middle. "What do you want to know first?"

"How come my mom?" He said to Oliva.

"Noah, when you were a baby Mama and I rescued you. Remember how I told you that sometimes at work I had to rescue kids who were being hurt? Well when we were doing that one day, we found you. I fell in love with you the first time I saw, but I couldn't take you home right away. We didn't know your name or what happened to your birth mom or dad. Then we found Ellie. She loved you so much Noah and she really wanted to be your mommy, but Ellie had some problems. Noah, she was murdered and after that happened a judge needed to decide where you should go. She asked me if I wanted you and I said yes and you've been with me ever since then."

Noah looks at Amanda "is that what happened?"

"Yes, buddy that's what happened. Mommy picked you up that day and I knew that you two were meant to be together." Amanda says reaching out and squeezing his shoulder in a comforting gesture.

"What about my dad?" Noah asks.

The two women look at each other, having a silent conversation between themselves. Both coming to the silent agreement that what Johnny D did. The kind of person he was, would be too much for the little boy.

"Your dad was a very bad man and he did a lot of awful things. I know you're going to be curious bud, but I don't think you're ready to hear about him. When your older, I'll tell you the whole story, okay?"

Noah contemplates that for a moment "okay. I'm tired." He says, rubbing in eyes.

"Why don't you take a nap and I'll come wake you when dinner's ready?" Noah nods his head, agreeing with what Liv is saying. She tucks him and then both women give him a kiss and tell him that they love him. They exit the room and pull each other into a hug once the door closes.

The two women held each other for what felt like hours but was really probably only 10 minutes. They needed the comfort of being in each other's arms. Only pulling away from each other when Amanda inhales sharply and moves one arm from around Olivia to her stomach. Her face turns into a grimace.

Liv moves holding her with her arms on Amanda's shoulders. "Are you okay? What happened?"

The blonde's face relaxes and she stands back up from her doubled over position. "I'm okay. You know I don't handle stress well when I'm pregnant. It's probably nothing."

"Amanda you go lay down, while I call Dr. Pierce. I'd rather be safe than sorry. Is that the first time you felt that?"

"No, it's been happening off and on all afternoon." She sees the look on the brunette's face which shows anger about the fact that she was not told about this. "Liv, with everything going on with Noah I just forgot to tell you and then when I laid down with Jesse it stopped hurting. I promise."

"Go lay down, please. I'll call the doctor." Liv starts to walk down the steps to get her phone and then stops and turns. "I love you."

Amanda smiles at her "I love you too."

Oliva calls Dr. Pierce and gives her a brief overview of the last 4 or so hours that they've had. Leaving out the details about what was discussed. She also informs her about Amanda's hospital trips towards the end of her last pregnancy that resulted in her going on bed rest. The doctor tells her that Amanda should be on limited bed rest for the next few days and that she would like to see her as soon as possible for an appointment. If they can get her stress level under control, they can keep her from being on full bed rest for the next 6 weeks. The brunette agrees with this, knowing the younger woman would be very difficult to deal with if she was stuck in bed that long.

Liv walks back upstairs to check on Amanda and the kids and the scene she finds warms her heart. The blonde is asleep is their bed, curled up with Jesse and Noah and Frannie. The little boy must have snuck into the room while she was on the phone. Amanda is lying on her back, Jesse on one side and Noah on the other. Frannie is in her usual spot along the bottom of the bed. Olivia closes the door and goes to sit in the living wanting to reflect on everything that happened today. Part of her is so angry with Sheila. She had no right to tell Noah that Ellie was his birth mother. At the same time, she is angry with herself. Olivia does not think that she'll ever get over the guilt she feels. She let Sheila into her and Noah's life. Letting herself get caught up in some stupid fantasy that almost cost her Noah. How could she have not known that this was what was bothering her son? Yes, he was acting out as much now that she had more time for him, but deep down she knew that there was more to it than her not being home as much. She also could tell that another big outburst like this was going to come eventually. She just hates that Amanda is the one who got the brunt of it.

Olivia makes a note to call the marshals and ask about maybe getting Noah and Jesse into seeing a therapist. The little girl was still not sleeping through the night every night of the week. She still was having nightmares about what she had witnessed that night with Al. Of course, that would be a conversation that the brunette would need to have with Amanda. The blonde had never been a huge fan of therapy and psychologists. The older woman had been trying for years to get her to talk to someone about all the trauma she had been through. Maybe, after New Year's and after the baby gets there, she can get all 4 of them into see someone. Olivia wants this to work for good and to do that, they all need to work through some of the trauma.


	7. Chapter 7

**Bit of a short chapter, but I have something big planned to happen next and I didn't want to split it up. No promises on a new chapter next week because of Christmas, but I'll do my best. Merry Christmas to anyone who celebrates and please review if you get a chance.**

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In the days following Noah's incident at school, Olivia hadn't been herself. She had been rather distance towards Amanda. The few hours they had between the time after the kids went to bed, and before they went to bed themselves used to be the time where they got to spend some alone time together. Talking about their days and bonding with each other. However, the past 3 days, Olivia hadn't really been much for talking. She had helped to put the kids to bed and was always checking up on how Amanda was feeling but did not want to engage in any deep conversations. Liv didn't want to snuggle with the blonde at bed at night, turning and facing away from her. It hadn't been going on long, but it still weighed heavy on Amanda because that behavior was so unlike what she had become accustomed to the short time they've been together.

Amanda had been feeling better and Dr. Pierce confirmed that nothing was wrong with the baby. She had informed the younger woman to keep her stress levels down and her feet up as much as possible. They would try to get her as close to her due date as possible, but both women were prepared that if Amanda felt any pain again, that Dr. Pierce was planning on delivering Bean. Which is something that the doctor did not want to do before 36 weeks since that was how far along Amanda needed to be for the baby to not have any serious complications. She was also given a steroid shot which would help the baby's lungs develop quicker in case they didn't make it to that mark.

The night after Noah's first day back at school, Amanda decided she was going to try to talk to Olivia. She had known Liv long enough to know something was weighing on her. The brunette was on her way downstairs after putting the kids down for the night. Amanda called her name from their bedroom where she was laying. The older woman had been sending her up there after dinner so she could lie down for a while.

Liv's head appeared in the doorway. "Hey are you okay? Do you need anything?"

"I was wondering if we could talk about what's been bothering you. You've been avoiding me and I want to know why." Then Amanda's face falls and a look on concern comes over her features. "You're regretting your decision to be with me aren't you. Because of what I told Noah. I knew you weren't as okay with you as you said. I knew you'd change your mind, eventually."

"I'm not mad at you Amanda. I'm mad at myself." Liv said sitting down on the bed next to the blonde and throwing an arm around her shoulders bringing her in for a hug. She leans down and kisses Amanda. "I haven't been treating you very well the past couple of days and I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you come talk to me?"

"I didn't want to stress you out or upset you." Liv reaches a hand around to caress Amanda's bump, finding reassurance when the baby moves against her hand. "Getting Bean here safely is much more important than whatever I'm feeling."

"Not when it's bothering you this much. Honey, you gotta talk to me when things are bothering you. You can't just ignore me and ignore what you're feeling. It's not good for us and it's not good for you."

"I feel so guilty. Because of what happened with Noah. I never should have let Sheila into our lives. It didn't feel right and I should have followed my gut from the beginning. I can't believe she told him about Ellie. He wasn't ready to hear that. No wonder he's been having so much trouble lately. I wanted him to have a family, and I didn't realize what had been right in front of me this entire time. That you had been right in front of me this entire time. Amanda, I love you. You handled everything with Noah as best as you could. It was a tough situation. You probably handled it better than I would have. And I don't want to have to remind you again that I'm not going anywhere."

"I've missed you the past couple of days." Amanda says moving more into Olivia's side, attempting to get as close as her bump will allow. The blonde can't want for the baby to get here, so she can cuddle up to Liv properly.

"I'm sorry, baby. Do me a favor? Always make me talk to you. Don't let me push you away."

"I will. You're stuck with me now."

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." Olivia said kissing the top of Amanda's head and intertwining their fingers.

"You know what you could do to make this up to me?"

"What's that?" Liv said. Amanda had the tone of voice she always got when trying to persuade Olivia in letting her do something.

"Let me go with you to your work's Christmas party." Liv speaks, but Amanda cuts her off. "I'm going crazy being stuck in the house all the time. C'mon will go for an hour or two and then I promise I'll stay in bed all day on Saturday. Please."

Amanda definitely isn't allowed to go to parties on modified bed rest, but Liv has to admit to herself that she's pretty much powerless when it comes to the blonde. Over the years her ability to say no to her has become nonexistent. "We'll go for a little while, if you promise to tell me as soon as you get uncomfortable or feel any pain."

"I will and I love you too, Liv. I didn't say that before."

"Hey Amanda, I was thinking that maybe after the holidays we should look into getting Noah and Jesse into some counseling." Liv said deciding now was as good time as any to broach this topic

The blonde pulls away from Olivia and sits up. "Why? You know how I feel about therapy. If that's what you think is best for Noah than go ahead, but I don't think Jesse needs it."

"Amanda, she saw you get beat up by Al and then she saw him shoot me. She's still having nightmares. Just one session and if she doesn't like or if you don't, we won't have her go again. She's young enough that one of us would be in the room with her the entire time. I'm not going to try to make you go, even if I think you should. After the holidays and Bean gets here, let's look into okay."

Amanda settles back down into Olivia's side "One session. I'm going and I get veto power on the therapist if I don't like them."

"Alright, but you have to give me a real reason on why you don't like them. You can't just make something up and it can't be something ridiculous."

"Ok, deal."

"Now c'mere. I've been missing my time with Bean. We have a lot of catching up to do." Liv said. The blonde rolls over onto her back. The older woman pushes Amanda's shirt up so she can talk to the baby. Rubbing her hands in circles and speaking softly. Amanda rests her head back on the pillows feeling perfectly content. Laying here with Olivia, and feeling her baby moving inside he

The next two weeks are uneventful. Amanda spends most of her time with her feet up. Jesse and Noah were being very helpful because Liv had asked them to be. The blonde had also gone into nesting mode. Once Olivia gets home to take care of the kids, she'd been going into the nursery to make sure everything was prepared for Bean's arrival. Tonight, though she was excited to get out of the house for a few hours and to spend some alone time with Liv. They weren't starting their relationship at the most opportune time. Amanda knows once the baby gets here, they won't have a ton of time to spend together between taking care of three children and how exhausted she would be. The younger women wasn't expecting Liv to get up in the middle of the night to help. Partly, because she was planning on breastfeeding again and there wasn't much that Olivia could do to help her. Another part of her, is still getting used to the idea of having someone there to help her. Carisi had tried to help when Jesse was a baby and she was thankful for that, but he went home at the end of the night and he wasn't there every day.

They had decorated for Christmas together with kids and baked cookies and watched a ton of Christmas movies. The first snow of the winter hit and the kids and Frannie had a ton of fun playing outside in the snow with Olivia. Amanda had taken a ton of pictures. She had told Liv that they needed photos on the walls to make their house seem more like a home. The first one that went up was a picture the younger woman had brought from home. It was a picture that Carisi had taken of Liv, Amanda, and the kids outside a carousel. The blonde had called it their first family photo. Looking at it now it almost feels like another lifetime. When Amanda looks at that picture, she thinks about where they were then. She was so in love with Liv, but she had thought she would never be good enough for the other woman. Oliva still didn't trust her fully back then. Now, they were each other's biggest confidants. They've come so far in just a few years and it still feels like a dream to her sometimes. Amanda knows she messed up a lot and badly over the years and it's a miracle to her that Olivia even kept her in the squad. Liv keeps her walls up and her heart heavily guarded, and Amanda loves that she is one of the few Olivia has let in.

Liv got home early the Friday of the party, picking up Noah on her way home. Amanda hears them come in the front door. Jesse and Frannie take off running for the door to greet them. Liv walks into the living room where Amanda is reclining on the couch. "Hey baby, how are you feeling today? Still up to going to the party?"

"I'm good, no pain, no contractions and yes, I want to go to the party." Amanda said leaning up, looking for a kiss. The brunette obliges leaning down and pecking her on the lips. Noah runs into the room and hugs Amanda saying hello and then asking for a snack which Olivia gets for both kids. Lifting Jesse up and into her chair, kissing her head and giving her a little cuddle.

Amanda hears Liv's voice calling from the kitchen "Anne should be here around 6 to watch the kids, so we'll leave around then."

Anne was a young woman in her early 20s who worked for the families of a few of Noah's classmates. She had been over a few times during the day while Amanda was home to help with the kids and so that Amanda could observe her. Because of what they did with SVU, both women were always hesitant to leave their kids with anyone new. But Amanda had approved her after vetting her.

"Liv, can you come help me get up?" Amanda called from the living room. Liv coming into the room and aiding her in sitting up and then getting off the couch. "Thanks, sweetheart. I'm going to go take a shower. You got the kids for a little bit?"

"Yeah."

They took turns getting ready for the party. Alternating between getting dressed and watching the kids. At 6 and 3 they're old enough to play by themselves, but the two women have learned that leaving them alone for too long meant trouble. They were always rather mischievous when together, and since they moved in together, it's only gotten worse because of the amount of time they spent together. The kids operated whenever they wanted something or they were up to something. On one hand, the women liked the comradery their kids shared. It also meant that they needed to be watched closely to stop them from causing an insane amount of trouble.

Anne arrived to watch the kids right on time and they left to go to their party. Liv worked about a half an hour/ forty-five minutes away depending on traffic. They spent the ride talking and laughing. I still worry Liv that Amanda can go into labor at any given moment until the blonde convinces her to relax and have a good time tonight. Telling her that this is probably the last night out they're going to have before the baby is born. Liv doesn't completely relax, but she stops jumping every time Amanda puts her hand on her on her bump.

They have a ton of fun at the party. Amanda loves being introduced to people as Olivia's wife. It gives her a warm feeling in her chest. Liv enjoys showing her off as well which helps. She's almost bragging about her right in front of her. The brunette is telling everyone how excited they are for the baby. They laugh and eat. Olivia was hesitant to agree to Amanda joining her here, but she's glad she did. The blonde looks like she is having so much getting out of the house and talking to other adults. They don't stay for very long. Just a few hours before Amanda gets tired and uncomfortable. Their drive home is much more subdued than their drive there. The younger woman falls asleep about 5 minutes into the ride. It's surprising how tiring it is to grow another human.

They arrive back at their home. Paying Anne for babysitting and getting the kids and Frannie settled down for the night. Which is easier said than done. Both kids are pretty amped up like they are most nights. Liv sends Amanda to bed seeing that the other woman is dead on her feet. Finally getting into their room an hour and a half later. She falls asleep quickly after seeing that the blonde is fast asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Happy New Year Everyone! I hope you like this update. Please Review if you have the time. Thanks for reading.**

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Amanda's sleep wasn't peaceful for long. Waking up around 1:00 AM when the contractions start again and they're painful. At first, thinking they are more Braxton Hicks until she feels her water break. She had been having contractions off and on all night, but they didn't hurt, and she didn't want to ruin her evening with Liv. The blonde sits up and turns to shake the brunette awake. It's easy to wake her up in the middle of the night. The lieutenant was used to the frequent calls in the night alerting her of a new case.

"Liv, wake up." Amanda says while shaking Olivia's shoulder.

She sits up with a start. "What's going on? Are the kids okay?" Liv's rubbing her eyes and still seems to be half asleep.

"The kids are fine. My water broke. We need to get ready to go to the hospital. I'm going to call Dr. Pierce. Can you call Hunter's mom and let her know we're dropping the kids off?" Hunter's mom Charlotte volunteered to watch the kids and Frannie when Amanda went into labor. She told the two women to call no matter what time Amanda's labour started.

Liv just stares at her for a moment. Like the news hasn't sunk in yet. "What did you say?"

"The baby's coming. I need you to call Charlotte while I call Dr. Pierce." Amanda's face scrunches up in pain after she finished her sentence.

This wakes up Liv who rubs the other woman's back in soothing circles. "Breathe, baby. How far apart are the contractions?"

"About 10 minutes right now."

"I'll call Charlotte. Love you." Liv says getting up out of bed to make the call so Amanda can call the doctor. They both end their respective phone calls and Olivia goes to wake up Noah. She can probably get Jesse in the car without disrupting her sleep too much, but Noah is too big to be carried.

Amanda is double checking her hospital bag while Liv gets the kids. She is filled with both excitement and nervousness. The blonde can't wait to meet the baby that's been growing inside her. She's also terrified that she will hemorrhage again and that something bad will happen to the baby. It's difficult for her to sort through her emotions. Amanda knows she won't calm down until her baby is safe and in her arms.

Liv walks unto the room. "I've got Frannie and the kids in the car. Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah." Amanda says. Her tone of voice showing her state of mind.

"Hey, it's all going to be okay." Liv says kissing the other woman and wrapping an arm around her shoulders in a half hug.

"Liv, I need you to promise me something. If something goes wrong, you tell them to save the baby."

"Manda, I don't know if I can do that. I can't lose you."

"Please. I need you to do this for me."

Olivia takes a deep breath "Okay, but nothing is going to happen. Let's go the kids are waiting. I'll grab the bag."

They make their way down to the car, pausing once while Amanda has a contraction.

Jesse is asleep in her car seat, but Noah is wide awake. "Mama, how long is it going to take for the baby to get here?"

"I don't know, bud. There's no set time. It could be 2 hours or 12 or longer. It's late. How come you're so awake?"

"I'm excited." Noah says.

"Noah, I don't want you to give Ms. Charlotte a rough time. When we get to the house, you go to bed okay. I get that you're excited, but the baby won't be here until after you wake up in the morning, anyway. Okay?" Liv says catching his eye in her rearview mirror.

"Okay." Noah says. "Will you call after the baby's born?"

"I promise I'll send Charlotte a picture as soon as they get here." Liv tells him.

They arrive at the babysitter's house and Liv ushers Frannie, and Noah inside. Then comes back to get Jesse. Doing her best to lift the little girl from her car seat without waking her. She hands her off to Charlotte at the front door and then makes her way back to the car.

"Let's get going to the hospital. I can tell your contractions are getting closer together." Liv says to Amanda. She had done her best to hide she was in pain from Noah because she didn't want to worry him.

"That's probably for the best." Amanda says taking the hand Liv offers her.

"Remember to breathe."

The hospital is about a half an hour away from their house. Liv spends the ride alternating between talking to Amanda to distract her, timing contractions, and comforting Amanda through her contractions when they happen. By the time they arrive at the hospital, they're around 5 minutes apart.

They set Amanda up in a room and someone hooks her up to an IV and a variety of monitors to measure things like her contractions and the fetal heartbeat.

Dr. Pierce arrives and checks how dilated Amanda is telling them she's at 4 centimeters. The doctor was going to monitor her close and hope Amanda would be able to give birth naturally. The crash section she had last time was traumatic, and the blonde was hoping to avoid another one. However, Dr. Pierce had warned them that the slightest sign of any trouble and they would take Amanda for a c-section. Liv was supportive of whatever Amanda planned to do. She wanted Bean and Amanda safe.

Liv does her best to be supportive. She knows Amanda is in pain and the extra monitors she's on because of her previous placental abruption make it more difficult for her to move around. Thus, making the pain more intense.

This labor is a very different experience for Amanda. Sure, Fin and Sonny where there for her last time and they had done their best to be supportive. But, it's very different having a true partner with her. Liv is being supportive. Talking her through the contractions, massaging back, and telling her funny stories about the things the kids and Frannie have done.

They check how dilated Amanda is again around 6 am a little over 2 hours after they arrive at the hospital telling her she's at an 8. Things were progressing rather quickly she had only been in active labor for around 5 hours. It's not surprising how far she had progressed considering the fact that her contractions had grown to be every 2 minutes.

Liv's hand is aching from how hard Amanda is squeezing, but she doesn't care. This whole process is such a unique bonding experiencing for them. She had helped someone through labor before. When Olivia helped to deliver Elliot's youngest son, the circumstances were different. Kathy and she had just been in a serious car accident and she had been running on autopilot. Her only real thoughts were that Elliot's wife and son couldn't die on her watch. Still, that experience had provided the women with a mutual respect with each other. While, they had never really disliked each other per se, their relationship changed post-accident.

The brunette has never felt closer to the blonde than she did at this moment. It's difficult to watch them women she loves in so much pain, but she knows it's necessary. Amanda was planning on doing this as drug free as possible. She wanted to be as aware as possible when her baby was born this time around. They had to put in her under general anesthesia when Jesse was born because everything happened so fast. Amanda had felt like she missed out on that moment. It hurt that she hadn't been able to hold her daughter until she was 4 days old. At first, because she hadn't been awake and when she finally did, she was too weak from the blood loss she endured. She didn't want to miss a moment of this baby's birth.

Dr. Pierce checks Amanda's dilation around 9:00 after she tells Liv that she feels like she needs to push. The doctor confirming she's at 10 centimeters.

Thing's progress quickly after that. Amanda pushes for about 30 minutes when the doctor says she can their baby's head. 4 pushes later and the doctor is telling her to look down and Amanda sees her baby for the first time and arms instantly reach for them. Dr. Pierce tells them it's a boy. Liv had been next to her the whole time helping her push, telling her how well she was doing and how proud she was of her. They place their little guy on Amanda's chest and both women are crying. He's a little on the small side since he's about 4 weeks early, but healthy. His lungs are definitely strong based on his cry.

Liv had been kissing Amanda's cheek and forehead. Her lips finding the other woman's ear telling her she loves her.

Dr. Pierce asks Liv if she would like to cut the umbilical cord and she turns towards Amanda to make sure it's okay. The blonde nodding her head. After that, they take the baby from the blonde's chest. They need to do their initial assessment to make sure he's healthy and clean him off. Amanda also still needs to deliver the placenta.

"Go with him. I'm okay, go with the baby." Amanda says.

Liv does following the nurse to where he is being laid on a blanket under the heater. They do the initial assessment calling out his weight which is 5 lbs. 12 oz and his length is around 18 inches. His initial APGAR score is at an 8 which is right where it should be.

Olivia stands next to the bassinet looking unsure, and the nurse tells her she can touch him. So, Liv does running her finger over his hand. She feels the little boy grab a hold of her finger in a tight grip. And it's like she can feel him grabbing a hold of her heart. The brunette has loved him since she knew he was on the way. How could she not when he is a part of Amanda? But she feels herself falling for him and connecting to him. It was different for her. Amanda felt him growing inside her, felt him move her belly. Liv had felt separated from the baby in a way. That changes though once she feels that little boy gripping her finger. The nurse wraps him up in a blanket and hands him to the older woman. Telling her that Amanda is all done and she can bring him over. The baby looks up at her with his eyes open and a greyish blue color.

Amanda looks over to where Liv is standing with the baby across the room. Her arms are aching to hold her baby, but she can't bear to interrupt Olivia just yet. She's looking at their little guy with such admiration and he's staring right back at her. Like she's never seen anything more amazing. It's the same way she looked at Noah the day they found him and how she looks at Jesse when they snuggle in bed on the weekends.

Olivia makes her way over and a nurse helps to arrange the baby so he can have some skin to skin contact with the blonde. Then, everyone leaves the room letting them have some alone time with their little man. The older woman can't take her eyes off of her girlfriend. She's sweaty, and she has dark circles under her eyes, but she's never looked more beautiful to Olivia.

Liv speaks first "So, what do you think? Does he look like an Asher?"

"Yeah, I think he does." The Amanda is letting her finger trail across Asher's cheek feeling the soft, smooth skin. Before letting her hand move up to his hat, pulling it off to get a good look at his hair. It's darker than Jesse's was, but still light and wavy. And there's quite a lot. "What do you think?" She says to the baby. "Do you want to be named Asher?"

"He's beautiful. Have you picked a middle name yet?"

"Oliver." They look at each other both taking their eyes off the baby. "You saved both of us from Al that night. I want your name to be part of his. Asher Oliver Rollins-Benson."

Liv looks like she's about to protest. "He's ours Liv. Asher is just as much mine as he is yours. I want you to sign his birth certificate. I love you, Olivia." Amanda says tilting her head up and finding Olivia's lips

They spend some more time with the baby and Liv sends Noah the picture she promised him with the baby's name attached. Then a nurse comes in to check on them and tells Amanda that it's okay for her to nurse if she wants to. Asking her if she needs any help getting him to latch on. They maneuver him into position and it takes Asher a minute, but he gets the hang of it. The nurse leaves again once she sees that they're both comfortable.

"I was afraid you know. That I would look at him and the only thing I would see would be Al. Every time I looked at him, I thought it would remind me about all the awful things he did to me and to you. But I don't. I don't see Al in him at all." Amanda says looking at her son's face. "I see you because he's ours and all Al doesn't have a place in his life anymore. Has anyone seen him yet? Do they know where he is?"

"No. Not that I've heard. They'll find him and then we can go back to New York."

Amanda looks at the wall and says "I don't know if I want to go back to New York and SVU. That job took so much out of me and I like it here. The kids like it here it."

"I like Colorado too. It's a conversation we'll have when they find Al."

The younger woman shifts on the bed moving herself over to one side more. "Come up on the bed. I want you closer."

Liv climbs on the bed sitting next to her one hand on the baby's head and the other going around Amanda. She lays her head on top of the other woman's. Asher finishes nursing and then he is handed to Olivia. "Here. Can you burp him?"

Liv does loving the feeling of his weight against her chest. Kissing the top of the baby's head. She holds the baby and bonds with him.

"Why don't you go pick up Jesse and Noah?" Amanda says after a period of time. "You can bring them and some food back with you. I want them to meet their little brother. And I'm starving and by the time you get back here I'll be able to eat. I'll be fine here. Asher just ate and then he will sleep for a while. They'll take him back to the nursery soon anyway to do his checkup and bathe him. You're not going to miss anything." Amanda says able to cover all the possible arguments Liv was going to make about not wanting to leave just yet.

"Where do you want food from?"

"Bring back pizza and then we can all eat together."

"You're exhausting sometimes. Alright, I'll be back in an hour and a half." She kisses Amanda on the lips and Asher on the head and tells them both that she loves them. Liv takes her phone out of her pocket on her way out the door to let Charlotte know she's on her way.

The ride to pick up the kids seems to take forever because Olivia just wants to get back to the baby and Amanda. She stops at home to pick up a few things before swinging around to the babysitter's house. Liv knocks on the door and Noah rips it open. Both kids waiting there talking excitedly about the new baby.

"Yes, we're going to go see him, but you guys have got to let me in the door first. I need to talk to Ms. Charlotte for a minute and then we'll go."

She thanks the other woman for watching the kids and Frannie and tells her that she'll call later in the day to let her know what the plan is for tonight. Liv and Amanda had been arguing about whether Liv would stay in the hospital overnight. She wanted, but Amanda thought that it was important that they did not disrupt Jesse and Noah's routine too much.

Liv gets the kids in the car and they chat the entire ride. Both getting annoyed when Olivia tells them that they have to stop and pick up some pizza for Mama. "Guys, the baby isn't going anywhere. He's going to be there in the 20 extra minutes it's going to take to get there."

When they pull into the hospital parking lot, Liv turns off the car and then turns around and faces the two kids. "You two are to be calm when we get into the hospital. There are a lot of babies sleeping and other people resting. No running or yelling. You're both going to get plenty of time to hold the hold Asher and I don't want any fighting about that either. I need you both to be careful with Mama, okay and with the baby. He's little." She gives them both a serious look and then says "Okay, who's ready to go? Noah, can you help Jesse with her car seat?"

"Yes, Mommy." He says. Reaching over and unbuckling Jesse from her car seat and helping her out of the car. "Let's go."

They make their way into the hospital with Amanda's pizza. They arrive at the blonde's room and Liv peeks in first to make sure she's ready before letting the kids in. She sees Amanda is feeding Asher again.

"Hey guys. C'mere and meet your baby brother." Amanda says after she notices them at the door. "I just have to finish feeding him and then you guys can hold him."

Liv places the pizza down on the little table in the room and the gives the younger woman a kiss hello. "How was he?"

"We both took a little nap and Asher's perfectly healthy."

"Good." Jesse climbs on the bed wanting to give Amanda a hug and Noah is trying to get closer to the baby to get a good look at him. "Noah, come wash your hands so you can hold Asher when he's done eating."

Both women are worried about how Jesse would react to the baby. She wasn't used to having to share her Mama's attention with anyone and Asher would need a lot of attention. So far so good thought. Jesse had reached out to touch Asher's hand and Liv wanted to give the three of them a moment by themselves. Noah meeting the baby was special, but it was different for Amanda and Jesse.

"Are you ready to hold him Noah?" Amanda says from the hospital bed. He nods his head excitedly. "Sit over there on that chair and Mommy will hand him to you." She says indicating the chair on the side of her bed. Noah sits and Amanda hands the baby over to Liv.

Olivia helps to position his arms the right way before handing the baby to him. "Make sure you keep an arm under his head." She says keeping an eye on him and handing Amanda two slices of the pizza she asked for and one for Jesse too.

Noah holds him for a while before saying his arms were getting tired. Olivia took several pictures of the two of them together. Liv took the baby from him and now it was Jesse's turn to hold him. Amanda sits her next to her and keeps a hand under Asher's head. Liv can hear her talking quietly to her daughter and she gets Noah some food too. Then she takes pictures of Jesse, Amanda, and Asher. Liv tells Amanda that Charlotte would come to visit for a little while and then she was going to take the kids home and feed them dinner. Then Liv would pick them up later and spend the night at home with them. She had decided to do what Amanda wanted her to do. The younger woman just looks at her and says thank you.

The rest of the kids visit went well. Charlotte arrived and stayed for about an hour before taking the kids back to her home. She had become a great friend for the two women. They had already decided on telling her they would watch her kids so her and her husband could go out. Once they got settled at home with the baby as a thank you. It meant a lot she had taken so much time out of her day to care for their kids.

Once again it was just Liv and Amanda in the hospital room. Asher was asleep, cushioned on the brunette's chest. Olivia places him down in his bassinet then reaches into the bag she brought back with her from the hospital and pulls out two boxes containing jewelry. The smaller, square box is placed in her pocket and the box holding a necklace is left in her hand. Amanda is sitting up in the recliner.

"I got you something." Liv says holding the box out.

"You didn't have to do that." Amanda says looking over at her and taking the box.

"I know I didn't, but I wanted to."

The younger woman opens the box "Oh Liv, I love it. How d'you know what to get?"

The necklace is simple. Made up of diamonds and the birthstones of all 3 kids. "I had a feeling he'd come before January. Here let me put it on you"

"I got you something else too." Liv seems very nervous about this present. She reaches into her pocket, pulling out the box and then gets down on one knee in front of her girlfriend. "I wasn't planning on doing this yet because I thought it was too soon. I wasn't even planning on buying a ring, but I saw this when I picked out your necklace and it was perfect. I love you Amanda and what you told me today, how you want your son to have my last name and my name on his birth certificate. I knew this was the right time. I love you, Amanda. More than I have ever loved anyone. And I want to marry you, for real not because we have to pretend. I can't imagine spending my life with anyone, but you and our kids. All 3 of them. So, Amanda Rollins will you marry me?"

"Yes. That's not even a question. I'd love nothing more than to be your wife." Amanda says through her happy tears. Olivia opens the box revealing a white gold ring with a round stone in the center and smaller diamonds lining the sides. It wasn't super big, but Amanda wasn't one for flashy Jewelry. Liv slips the ring on her finger and then they kiss. They kiss until Asher fusses deciding he needs attention.

"He's got great timing." Liv says.

"He's hungry it's been awhile since he ate. Can you get him while I get back in bed? I want you to sit with us."

Olivia hands Asher to Amanda and then asks her to move forward in bed. She sits behind her, legs on either side of the blonde and then pulls her back against her chest. Wrapping her arms around them both. She rest her head against Amanda's.

"I love you, Liv. I think I fell in love with you before I even met you. Part of me still can't believe we're here together."

"There's no place I'd rather be."

Olivia reluctantly left not long after picking up the kids and Frannie and take them home. Amanda was right. One of them should get a good night sleep and Liv couldn't nurse the baby the blonde was also planning to send Asher to the nursery in between feeds so she could get rest herself.

By the next day, Amanda and Asher were ready to be discharged. Because Amanda's birth was natural and without any complications, it spread up the process some. Both women were looking forward to starting the next chapter of their lives together


	9. Chapter 9

**So sorry for the delay. I'm back in school and have a huge project due in February so updates are going to be slower. I'm aiming for once every 2 weeks, but no promises. Thanks for reading and please review.**

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It had been 2 months since Amanda gave birth to Asher. Olivia and Amanda were both exhausted and thrilled at the same time. It's hard. Taking care of three children, but not something either one of them want to change.

They had a quiet Christmas and New Year's. Amanda had still been recovering from giving birth, so they kept things simple. The kids enjoyed themselves which is all that mattered to them. Overall, Jesse and Noah adjusted well to Asher. Jesse was having trouble. Which was understandable since at 3 she can't grasp why Asher needs more attention sometimes. Noah, however, had really taken to his little brother. He was already excited to teach him how to play baseball when Asher is big enough and Noah loves to hold him as soon as he gets home from school.

Jesse and Noah also started therapy and while they had only had a few sessions, it seemed to help. Noah's been through so much over the last year and he needed someone to talk to about it. Jesse had seen Al's abuse towards her mother and Olivia get shot is more than any child should at 3. Amanda was still reluctant about therapy, but she was coming around towards it. Jesse had also started to attend daycare a couple days a week for a few hours after her therapist suggested it. She had thought it might be good to get Jesse around kids her own age again. It also gave Amanda a little break during the day since taking care of a toddler and a newborn can be exhausting.

Liv and Amanda are in the middle of wedding planning. They decided on driving into Denver and having a courthouse ceremony with the kids. Neither woman was interested in a big ceremony. Plus, everyone here thought they were married already. They were planning on discussing a bigger wedding once this was all over.

Asher has been a good baby so far. He was still only sleeping for about 4 hours at night before waking up for a feed, but Amanda didn't really care. She was so happy to have her baby in her arms. Liv loved watching the blonde with her baby. She didn't even mind that they hadn't been able to spend a ton of time alone together. Their nights were now, after the kids went to bed, were now spent with Asher. Alternating between taking care of the baby and cuddling on the couch. Olivia had learned that Amanda was even more of a cuddler now that her bump wasn't preventing her from getting closer. The younger woman had a habit of laying almost entirely on Liv, resting her head on her chest. Olivia didn't mind. She enjoyed playing with the blonde's hair and holding her close.

That's what they were doing at the moment. Amanda was lying in between Liv's legs. Asher asleep on her chest. The older woman had her arms around them both. "When do we want to plan the wedding for?"

"As soon as we can." Amanda said.

"And you're still okay with a courthouse wedding? No big, fancy party or anything."

"I'm sure. You know me. I'm not very comfortable being the center of attention. Besides, we can always do that later if we feel the need to."

"We can go in the morning and get a marriage license and then all will have to do is call to set up the date. I've looked into it. It won't be hard to schedule we have to pick a date. And decide if we want the kids there or not. Noah will have to miss school."

"I want the kids there. How about March 29th? That gives us a couple of weeks to get everything in order." Amanda says as she rubs Asher's back. He's fussing, and the blonde is hoping he'll sleep for a little longer. "C'mon, Ash. Let's sleep for a little longer." She says, to the boy. His face is scrunching up and Amanda knows he's about to cry.

"He's hungry, and he needs his diaper changed. I'll change him. Do you want the boppy pillow for when you feed him?"

"Please." Amanda says letting Liv stand up and then handing Asher to her.

The older woman had been a huge help since they brought Asher home from the hospital. She had a habit of getting up most nights with Amanda and Asher even though she didn't have to. She did it because she wants to. Olivia was just happy to have Asher and Amanda in her life. The brunette had never imagined that she would have this. A beautiful fiancée and three amazing kids. Just having Noah was unbelievable to her because she never thought that she would have one child. Asher and Jesse were just added blessings in her life. Liv couldn't wait to marry Amanda for real.

Amanda was still adjusting to the reality of just having a baby. Her body had been experiencing several changes and her hormones were still a little all over the place. It hadn't all been smooth sailing since the birth. Liv had the tendency to hover because she was trying to help. But Amanda is pretty independent and found the other woman to be a little too helpful. Which got on Amanda's nerves. But it was something they were working on.

Liv comes back with Asher and the nursing pillow. Amanda gets herself situated on the couch with the baby so she can feed him. Liv sitting next to her and placing an arm around her shoulder. Their usual position while Amanda nursed.

"Thank you, Olivia. For helping so much over the last couple of months. I couldn't have done any of this without you."

"You don't have to thank me, Amanda. I'm here because I want to be. Thank you for letting me be a part of his life and Jesse's life."

"You let me into Noah's. I love you, Olivia and I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else, but you. I was so scared that I would have the baby and Jesse and I would be all alone. And I didn't want that, and I didn't want Al around. Liv, what am I supposed to tell him about his dad when he's older? Declan's not around, but at least he's a decent guy. He just works a lot and his job is too dangerous for him to be around Jesse." Amanda says looking down at Asher, seeing how innocent he is. Knowing at some point she'll have to explain to him the awful things his father has done. Because he has the right to know about him.

"When he's old enough, we'll explain this all to him. And sure, it'll be hard, but he'll get through it. Cause Asher will have all of us here to support him." Liv kisses Amanda's temple. "We won't have to worry about this for years, Amanda. There's no point driving yourself crazy with this now."

"Yeah, you're right. Why don't you go to bed? I'll be in when he's ready to go to sleep."

The next couple of weeks were focused on finalizing their wedding plans and taking care of the kids. Then it was time for their wedding. They were getting married at 3 in the afternoon and they kept Noah and Jesse home from school that day so they had time to get them ready to go. The house was filled with nervous energy radiating off of the two women. This is a big step for both Amanda and Liv, but one they were very ready to take. This all seemed like it was going so fast, but that's what happens when you're thrown into such an unlikely situation. Liv was ready to refer to Amanda as her wife for real, not just because some marshals asked them to pretend to be married for their own safety.

The kids were excited, though that was probably because Noah got to miss school and Jesse was feeding off of Noah. The morning of the wedding, Amanda and Olivia are both nervous, anxious, and ecstatic. They did their best to keep Jesse and Noah calm and prayed that Asher wasn't in one of his fussy moods today. So, he would sit in his stroller during the ceremony without a problem. The whole wedding wouldn't take long. Half an hour at most.

It helped, having the kids to focus on. They had gotten Asher a little outfit complete with suspenders, a plaid shirt and a little bow tie. Noah's outfit matched his. Jesse had picked out a dress, the same shade of blue as Amanda's. They had decided that neither bride would wear white. Liv had decided on a dress in a nice shade of purple.

The family piled into the car at 2. Denver was about a 45-minute drive from their house. So, they left early to make sure they got there in time.

The courthouse wasn't anything special, not unlike the one they used to frequent in New York. The difference was, this one wasn't filled with memories they'd rather forget. They're sitting outside the chambers where they will get married, waiting for their scheduled time. Amanda's feeding Asher, while Jesse and Noah play games on Liv's phone.

"Are you sure about this? It's your last chance to back out." Olivia says, half-jokingly, insecurities showing.

"Liv, I'm not changing my mind. You're stuck with me." Amanda says gazing up at her, a smile on her face. "You aren't going to run out on me our you?"

"Never. Here, I'll burp him." Liv says while reaching for Asher. She burps him and gets him to go to sleep. Perfect timing because the clerk calls their names telling them to come back to the judge's chambers.

The judge is a kind older woman who introduces herself as Judge Collins. Two of the clerks in the office and now it's time for the ceremony.

They go through the usual questions, and exchanges before they get to the vows. Amanda and Olivia had decided they wanted to write their own.

Amanda went first. "Oliva, I love you. I've never felt about anyone else, the way I feel about you. You're an amazing mother and I love that you treat my children as if they are, you're own. Just like I love Noah like he's mine. I know I'm not always good at accepting it, but I do like how protective you are and how you're always trying to take care of me. I promise I'll be better at accepting your help. We fight sometimes, and I know things aren't perfect, but I wouldn't change anything. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you and our kids."

Liv wipes the tears from her eyes and takes a deep breath before starting her vows. "I should have gone first." She pauses takes another breath. "Amanda, first I love you too. I think I've always loved you. Thank you, for never giving up on me even when I tried to push you away or when I wasn't treating you right. You gave me a second chance, and you didn't have to. I never imagined that you would be my best friend, the person I trust most in the world, or my wife. But I wouldn't change any of that for the world. You mean everything to me. All I need to be happy is you and our children. You've given me all I've ever wanted, Amanda."

Now they're both crying while the judge finishes the ceremony. They exchange rings. Amanda's goes with the engagement ring that Liv bought her. Olivia's matches a platinum band with a few small diamonds. The judge tells them they're allowed to kiss and they both reach for each other. Their kiss is deep, but brief because Jesse and Noah are watching. Liv takes Amanda's bottom lip into her mouth, sucking on it. They pull away, the older woman's hands framing the other woman's face, foreheads together. Both pull back and open their arms, allowing Jesse and Noah to run into them. They exchange hugs, and kisses. Olivia gets Asher out of his stroller to join the celebration. He had slept through the ceremony which was the perfect scenario. The clerk offers to take pictures for them and they agree.

They walk out of the courthouse holding hands, all smiles, filled with happiness. They stop at the car, and then Liv gets an odd feeling. Like she's being watched. All the hair on the back of her neck stands up and Olivia searches the area surrounding them. Falling back into her cop instincts, her hand automatically reaches for the gun she no longer carries on her hip. Amanda didn't notice anything. She had been helping Jesse with her car seat and getting Asher into the car. The brunette doesn't see anything, so she tries to brush it off, but that uneasy feeling won't go away.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just thought I heard something. Let's go to dinner." Olivia doesn't feel good about lying to Amanda, but she doesn't want to get her worked up over nothing.

They eat dinner at a nice restaurant and Amanda surprises Liv with a small cake. The women are having a hard time keeping their hands to themselves in front of the kids. Something they rarely have an issue doing. Both are hoping they'll all go to bed early and Asher will sleep for some solid hours so they can celebrate.

This ends up happening. The kids play for a while after they get home. Then, Jesse and Noah are tired out from their day and Asher goes down without a complaint. Liv lights candles in their bedroom and puts music on while Amanda puts Asher down. "Liv, you didn't need to do all this."

"Come dance with me. We can have our first dance as a married couple." She walks over taking Amanda into her arms. They had both changed into pajamas when they got home. Liv wraps her arms around Amanda's waist, while her arms find their way around her neck. They hold each close, swaying to the music. They dance for a while.

Amanda leans up kissing Olivia hard, working her tongue into the other woman's mouth. Liv lets her hands find Amanda's ass, squeezing. "I want you. More than I've ever wanted anyone." Amanda says pulling away long enough to speak. Then, letting her lips find Liv's neck sucking, kissing, biting, and licking. Causing Olivia to moan. The brunette turns their bodies, walking Amanda backwards until her knees hit the mattress. She follows her onto the bed.

They take things slow. The first and only time they slept together was rushed. Amanda was very pregnant, and they hadn't been able to stop themselves. This time they explore each other's bodies. Caressing and whispering there for love for each other, undressing each other one piece of clothing at a time. The brunette tells Amanda how beautiful she thinks she is. The blonde wasn't completely confidant with her body having only given birth 2 months ago.

Liv eventually moves her way down, in between Amanda's legs, tasting her for the first time. Working her until she finishes. The older woman loves hearing her moans and groans of pleasure. It doesn't take long for Amanda to return the favor.

The blonde lays with her head on her wife's chest, leg thrown over both of the other woman's. Completely sated and falling asleep. Liv is just as tired, but she can't seem to fall asleep. Her mind still stuck on that moment outside the courthouse. Filled with worry that Al has found them and that he will threaten her family. On one hand, she feels paranoid and the other feels like the worry is necessary. Now, she has to figure out the best way to protect her family.


	10. Chapter 10

It had been about a week since the wedding and Liv hadn't been able to shake the feeling that they were being watched. Every time they were out in public, Olivia would scan the area constantly looking for the perceived threat. Her behavior at home had been distant and distracted.

The brunette hadn't told Amanda yet about what had happened the night of the wedding or that she still felt that they were being watched. Liv had yet to actually see Al or anyone else lurking in the shadows and she hadn't wanted to worry the younger women if it turned out to just be paranoia. However, Amanda was worried about Liv's behavior after their wedding. She was concerned that the other woman was regretting her choice to get married. This wasn't a completely rational fear, but the younger woman still help the belief that she wasn't good enough for the other woman. This was leading to some tension between the two women because neither one wanted to bring up what's bothering them. They were arguing with each other over little things and sniping at each other. Finally, after a week of this Oliva decided it was necessary to have this conversation.

It was late all three kids were asleep in their respective rooms. Amanda was laying in her and Liv's bed laying with Frannie when Olivia walked in.

"Hey, Manda. Can we talk? I want to apologize about how I've been treating you lately. There's just been a lot on my mind." Liv says sitting down on the bed with her body facing Amanda.

"Do you regret marrying me?" The blonde says keeping her gaze on Frannie

"What? No. No, baby of course not. Marrying you is one of the best decisions I've made in my life. I love you and I'm never going to regret marrying you. Amanda look at me please." She pauses waiting for the younger woman to lock eyes with her. "I'm sorry if I made you feel like my bad mood was in any way your fault because I promise you its not. Our wedding day was one of the happiest days of my life and I will keep reminding you that I love you and I'm never going to leave you."

"Well what was I supposed to think? We get married and then you barely talked to me and you were distracted all the time. How else was I supposed to interpret that? Why won't you tell me what's bothering you?"

Olivia knows that she has to tell her. That while her reluctance had come from a place of perfection, she hasn't been fair to her wife. She hadn't been honest because Amanda deserves her honesty. "After the ceremony when we were leaving, you were getting Jesse and Asher into the car and I don't know I got this feeling like someone was watching us. I don't have any proof, but every time we're out I can't get it out of my mind. I called the marshals, but there's not much they can do if I can't prove it."

Amanda's eyes widen, her face pales. "Why didn't you tell me? That's a huge thing to keep to yourself."

"I didn't want to worry you if it turned about to be nothing, but now I've realized that I was wrong to think that. You were so happy that night and you've been doing so much better lately and not worrying as much about Al. And I was selfish and trying to keep protect you."

"Liv, I get it but I'm a big girl and I don't need your protection. I can take care of myself."

"I know you can, but you shouldn't have to all the time. Come here." Liv says opening her arms and gesturing for Amanda to take up her usual spot on the brunette's chest. "I'm sorry and I promise that in the future I won't keep things like this from you again. Okay?"

"Okay. And I love you too I never said it earlier." Amanda leans in and kisses her wife briefly before resting her on the brunette's chest, feeling Olivia's hands running through her hair. playing with it.

The rest of the night is rough. Amanda doesn't sleep. Getting out of bed constantly to check on the kids because she had convinced herself that Al was going to come into the house in the middle of the night and take them. Eventually, all 3 ended up in their room. Asher back in his bassinet beside their bed and the other two kids in the middle. It was the only way either women was going to get any sleep.

The marshals were contacted again in the morning and the kids were kept home from school for the day. Liv and Amanda were currently unable to agree on the best way to handle this situation with the kids. It was a tough situation. They needed to be aware of the danger Al posed to them, but neither women wanted to scare them. So, for now a car would be sitting outside both of their schools while they were there and the faculty had been shown Al's picture and told that he was to have no contact with their children. Asher rarely left Amanda's arms or her sight. If she wasn't holding him, he was within arm's reach. Olivia had gone out and bought a bassinet that was able to be attached to the bed. This way he could sleep right next to Amanda and hopefully she wouldn't worry as much.

The hard part about this situation is that they didn't know what Al wanted from them. Whether he was after Amanda, or Liv, or the kids. Maybe even all five of them. What they did know, is that protecting their kids was their top priority. At the same time, they were trying to keep everything as normal as possible for the Jesse and Noah's sake.

Sure, there were some changes. Olivia never left the house now without her gun on her. She wanted to be prepared. For any situation that might arise.

Which is why she has her gun strapped to her hip while on their way to Noah's first baseball game for the season. The whole family is coming along, including Frannie whose bandana is red to match Noah's uniform. Noah's excited. This was something he was really looking forward to. Liv's got Frannie's leash and is walking over to the bleachers after getting Noah settled with his team. When suddenly, Frannie start to bark and growl. Something she never does unless she feels like someone is threatening her family. She's pulling on the leash and Olivia looks up and comes and sees Al. He's standing maybe 30 feet away. Just on the edge of the parking lot. His hair is a lot longer and he's sporting a beard. Looking a lot less put together then the last time Liv saw him. The look in his eyes is slightly deranged. He doesn't say anything to her, just smiles. Olivia's hand reaches for her gun and just like that he's gone. Turned and walked away towards the busy parking lot.

She turns around and grabs Noah. Liv gives a quick excuse to the coach as to why they can't stay and gathers up a complaining Noah. "I want to stay and play."

"Noah, I need you to listen to me and to mama. Please. I promise that once we get home I'll explain, but right now I need you to do what I ask."

Amanda can see them walking back towards where she was about to set Jesse up on the bleachers. The blonde has Asher in his carrier resting up against her chest. She gets their things and meets Liv about halfway between the two points.

"Al's here. I just saw him. He smiled at me and then he went into parking lot and I lost sight of him. Frannie spotted him and started growling at him. I don't know if I would have seen him otherwise. I've texted McAndrews and Perez and they're going to meet us back at the house."

They get the kids and Frannie into the car and Liv takes a second to grab Amanda's hand and bring it to her lips. Pressing a kiss to her knuckles. "Its going to be okay. I'm not going to let anything happen to you or the kids."

McAndrews and Perez are waiting for them. They searched the house before the family arrived home making sure Al wasn't all night yet. waiting for them. Jesse and Noah are distracted with a movie so Olivia can tell them exactly what happened this morning. '

An officer is going to be set up outside their house in an unmarked car until they can set them up in a new safe house. The agents are pretty confident that they'll be able to catch Al before anything serious happens, but they're going take every precaution.

That night they're lying in bed, Asher in his bassinet attached to Amanda's side of the bed. Amanda has just finished nursing the baby and has gotten him settled for the night. Or for the next couple of hours. He still hadn't got the hang of sleeping through the night just yet.

"Amanda, promise me that you won't do anything reckless and you won't go off looking for Al on your own." Olivia said knowing all too well that Amanda had a habit of going rogue and getting herself into dangerous situations. The brunette wanted to be absolutely sure that nothing bad was going to happen to her wife because she decided to be reckless.

"I'm not going to do anything Liv. Keeping the kids safe is my number one priority."

"And yourself."

"Olivia."

"No, Amanda. If something happened to you, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. You mean too much to me. Were both going to leave this to the marshals and the police."

"I promise. Can you check on Jesse and Noah please?"

Liv leans over and presses a kiss to Amanda's forehead and gets up to check in on the children. She knows that this is a difficult situation for Amanda. And its not like Olivia isn't worried about the kids just as much as she is. But part of her is certain that the reason Amanda is so focused on the kids is because she doesn't want to focus on how scared she is for herself. Al attacked her in her own home. He nearly beat her to death. Before that he spent months berating her, manipulating her, and cheating on her. Olivia knows that deep down Amanda is scared of him and that she doesn't want to acknowledge it. If she keeps the focus on the kids, then it won't be on her. She knows this Amanda very well though. And she knows how to handle her. Amanda, when she's threatened has a habit of lashing out and doing everything, she can to show she's not weak. Liv knows this has a lot to with her childhood and the abuse that her mother endured from her father. And that the way she was able to deal with it was by convincing herself that it was happening because her mother was weak. Liv is sure that the blonde is scared of appearing weak in this situation too.

All the humans in the house are asleep when Frannie wakes the entire house up by barking. Loudly. Then they hear a crash. Like glass breaking. Olivia jumps out of bed, grabbing her gun. Pausing long enough to tell Amanda to stay up there with the kids and call the police while she searches the house. Jesse and Noah come running into the room to see what's going on, rubbing their eyes, and climbing on the bed. Asher is crying, having been startled out of a deep sleep.

"Mama, what happened?" Jesse said snuggling into Amada's side.

"Where's Mommy?" Noah said.

"Everything's okay." Then she makes the decision to let them know something is going on. She's just got off the phone to the police and they will be arriving soon. She gets Asher to latch onto her breast, in hopes that he will calm down after her nurses for a bit. Now, its time to tell them about Al. "Remember, the bad man in New York, Al." She says. Moving between both children, making eye contact, trying to convey how serious she is. "He's here, but the marshals and the police are going to keep us safe. I don't want you guys to be scared. Everything is going to be okay."

"Is he in our house?" Noah asks.

"No, but Mommy heard a noise and the police are on their way."

Liv comes up the steps, Frannie in tow. Jesse and Noah run to her side, wrapping their arms around her and nearly knocking her over.

"He broke a window, but Frannie must have scared him off before he could do anything else." Liv says sitting down on the edge of the bed, two kids climbing into her lap.

"I called the cops. They're on their way. How did he get past the detail? We need to get into the safe house. The kids aren't safe here."

"I'll take to McAndrews and Perez in the morning."

They here the sirens approach the house and Olivia goes back downstairs to talk to them. Al's escalating and something needs to be done to keep their family safe. They need to find him before it's too late. Liv's experienced being abducted herself, she knows what it feels like to have her child taken, but she really doesn't want to know what its like to have her wife be the one in danger. All she can hope is that she doesn't have to find out.


	11. Chapter 11

**This chapter is a bit dark. Some talk about rape and some violence. Only a few chapters left of this story. I'll update soon. Thanks for reading.**

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The family were set up in a new safe house by the next morning. Olivia and Amanda had demanded that the marshals get one set up as soon as possible. Al had come to their home and the kids were scared. The women wanted them to be able to feel safe again. Frannie had spent the morning getting a lot of extra attention and praise. The blonde was so thankful that her dog was so protective and alerted them that something was wrong.

Amanda hadn't felt this helpless since Lewis had kidnapped Liv. She had and still blames herself for that happening. If she didn't push the issue so much than Olivia would have been safe. Those days when they didn't know where she was, what was happening to her, or if she was even alive was one of the hardest things she had to go through. She had the same feeling now. Amanda was dealing with the fact that she is the one who brought Al into their lives. She had trusted him so blindly and all he's done is hurt her. The second he told her to get rid of the baby she should have cut him out for good because now all the people she loved the most were in danger and it was all her fault. She got them into this situation and she was going to fix it.

The first week or so that they're in the new house things are quiet. Too quiet and both women are on edge. Liv reaching for her gun anytime she hears a little noise from outside. This house is still in Colorado and temporary. They're here until a new place can be set up for them and it is deemed safe to move them. Jesse and Noah are fighting constantly. They've been cooped up in the house for too long and are getting on each other's nerves.

Liv had left the house. She wasn't going to be gone long, an hour at the most. They needed groceries and Amanda and Olivia needed a break from each other. They loved each other, but spending a week locked in the house together wasn't good for any relationship. Agent Perez had offered to let Liv go with him to the store. He had almost insisted. At the time it hadn't seemed that suspicious, but it turned out that they were very wrong.

10 minutes after Olivia left the house, Amanda noticed a man walking up their driveway. Al. Jesse and Noah are playing quietly on the floor in the living room. Asher is in his bouncer. The blonde knows that she has to work fast. To get them to safety. She scoops up the baby and Jesse and tells Noah to follow. She brings them into her and Liv's room since that has a lock on the door. The younger woman knows that she's scaring the kids, but she needs them to be safe.

"Noah, I know you're scared, but I need you to be very brave right now. Mama is going to go with the bad man, okay Al. I need you to look after your brother and call Mommy okay and lock the door when I leave the room and don't open for anyone but Mommy." She takes a second to give Asher one last cuddle before handing him to Noah. Amanda can hear Al banging on the door and she wants to know where the fuck the people who were supposed to be guarding their house are.

"But I'm not supposed to hold Asher if you and Mommy aren't in the room." Noah says, cradling his little brother close to his chest.

"I know buddy, but just this one time it's okay." She wraps her arms around Jesse and Noah. Giving them each a kiss on the forehead. "I love you three more than anything. Don't forget to lock the door." Frannie had followed them up and was sitting on the bed. She pauses in front of the dog placing her forehead against hers and says "Protect them." Knowing that her dog wouldn't let anyone get to them without a fight. Then she exits the room, knowing that there is a chance that she'll never see her kids again.

Amanda has a plan. It's not a very good plan, but she has one. She's not going to fight Al. If she tries to take him down and fails than he can get her children. Amanda was firm in her decision. He could do anything he wanted to her, but he was not going to touch her children. Her own fear and her own safety is secondary to that of her kids.

Al is standing in the hallway. Looking deranged and dirty. So different than the suave and put together doctor that Amanda had thought she had fallen in love with.

"Where's my son?" He says voice hoarse.

"He's innocent in this, Al. You're mad at me. I'm the one who ruined your life, not him. He's just a baby. If you want to punish someone than punish me. I'm not going to fight you. We can walk out of here right now and I'll go with you wherever you want me to go. But please don't hurt him."

Al stares at her. Like he's pondering what Amanda had offered. Then he smiles at her and walks across the room. His hand wraps around her arm, holding so tight its painful and Amanda feels a gun press into her back. "Walk."

They walk to his car and Al ducts tapes her wrists together and puts a piece over her mouth. Then forces her into the trunk and they drive off. '

Amanda pays attention on the drive. Attempting to track how long they were on the road, what kind of surface they drove on. It's not a long drive. She figures it was about 20 minutes, maybe a half an hour. They stop and Al opens the trunk and pulls her out of it. Grabbing her roughly and causing her to stumble into him.

There's a knife stashed her in her shoe. Al hadn't thought to search her. Amanda knows she just has to wait for the right moment to use it. Relying on her instincts as a police offer for when that is going to be. Al seems deranged and erratic. Like his mental state has deteriorated since she saw him last. He's weak. Probably from being on the run for so long and she knows that when the time comes, she can over power him without at a problem. If she picks the right moment to make her move.

They're in an abandoned cabin in the woods. Its secluded and appears to be where Al has been living. This sends a chill through her spine. How long had he been watching them without them knowing? He walks her over to the corner of the room and shoves her to the ground. Aiming a kick to her stomach and then he starts pace. He's quiet for a long time. It seems like he's trying to figure out what to do. Then he leaves for a while a few hours maybe and comes back with what looks like supplies. Things he's planning to use to hurt her and her family. Amanda uses the time he's gone to plan. Al is mentally unstable and if she can make him lose it, it would give her the perfect chance to overpower her.

"You stupid bitch. You ruined my life and now I'm going to ruin yours." He sneers at her. "I lost everything because of you. My wife, my family and then I find out that you got to run off with that bitch of a boss of yours. Build a life and a family. I should've shot her in head when I had the chance, not the leg. Don't worry, when I'm done with you, she'll get hers. Or maybe I'll keep you around long enough to watch. I can't wait to get my hand on that bastard son of mine. His name is Asher isn't it?"

He can see that Amanda is starting to get angry. Her face is getting red and she's giving him a look of pure hatred. So, he walks over, slapping her across the face and then ripping the tape from her mouth. Loving the way, she calls out in pain.

"Asher isn't your son. He's mine and he's Liv's. You're never going to meet him and he's going to know that his dad was weak piece of shit who got off on beating women." Al's back is to her and Amanda takes the opportunity to reach for the pocket knife, grabbing it from her shoe and working on cutting the tape from her wrists.

Al turns to her. "You know. My dad used to beat my mom. Maybe it's in the genes and he'll grow up to be just like his daddy."

"You grew up like your father because you're weak. Not because its genetic. You're a weak, scared little boy in the body of a man. You use your genes as an excuse. Asher is going to grow up and he's going to be a great man. Because Olivia is 10 times the parent you will ever be."

Al loses it. He moves over, ready to beat her landing a few blows to her head and body. Amanda takes the knife and thrusts it into Al's chest 3, 4 times. Until he stops hitting her and his body goes still and falls on top of her. Amanda's bleeding from a cut to her head and her nose. Her ribs are sore and she thinks one might be broken or at least cracked. But she's alive and Al's dead and that means she'll take the injuries she has.

Olivia's shopping in the grocery store when her phone rings. Its Amanda so she answers right away. In her gut, she can tell that something is wrong. "Amanda, baby is everything okay? What's going on?"

"Mommy!" Liv heart drops. If Noah's calling it means that either Al is there or he's got Amanda. He sounds like he's crying and Olivia can't tell what he's trying to tell her."

"Noah, take a deep breath. I can't understand what you're saying."

"The bad man took Mama." Liv abandons the cart she had been pushing and starts to run for the exit.

"When did they leave?"

"I heard the door shut 5 minutes ago."

"Where are and you, Noah? Are Jesse and Asher with you?" Liv asks. Perez had given her a bad feeling today. When he had insisted that she come to store with him. They'd been set up and she hadn't seen it.

"We're in your room. Mama said it was okay to hold Asher when you weren't home."

"I'm on my way Noah. I need you to hang up the phone so I can call the police. Noah, I love you and everything is going to okay. I promise."

Olivia races home, calling the police on the way. She makes it home and then flies up the steps, knocking on her bedroom calling for the kids. Noah, open the door. It's okay its Mommy."

The door opens revealing 2 tear stained faces. Asher is in his bassinet, fussing. Jesse and Noah flying to her side. Olivia kneels down and wraps both kids into her arms. Letting her own tears fall freely. She whispers words of comfort to them and then pulls away and walking over to the baby. The brunette picks up the baby and nuzzles her nose against his cheek.

The police arrive and everyone is interviewed. Noah and Jesse doing their best to tell them what had happened and Olivia providing the background information about what had occurred in New York.

"Al Pollack. My wife and him were in a romantic relationship. He was married and using her the whole time. They ended things when she caught him using her credit cards to pay for prostitutes. They broke up and then Amanda found out she was pregnant with our son Asher. Al got abusive and one night she called me to come over. He was beating her and when I got there to stop it. Al shot him and ran and we moved here to get away and he followed. Al Pollack abducted my wife. I know he did."

Olivia feels helpless. Her wife is out there and God knows what is happening to her and there's not a single thing she can do about it. She's not a cop in Colorado. Which means Liv has to sit at home and wait. Hoping she'll get the call that Amanda was found and that she's okay. But fearing the absolute worse. There's a pit in her stomach, but the brunette isn't allowed to show how terrified she is. She has to stay positive for Jesse and Noah. It's her job to reassure them. Every hour that past feels like a day. Time is moving so slowly. With every hour that passes Liv's hopes of finding Amanda unharmed decrease.

This is also bringing up some horrible memories of Lewis and that whole experience. Overall, Liv had been doing a good job of managing her PTSD. It rarely bothered her these days. Unless, she was triggered. And this whole situation was triggering as hell.

The kids are asleep in her bed, Asher in his bassinet. He had been hard to settle tonight. Amanda was nursing Asher pretty much exclusively at this point. The baby had had the occasional bottle over the last couple of months, but other than he always nursed. Especially before bed. It soothed him and helped him to fall asleep. Tonight, he'd been almost impossible to settle.

It's 1 am and Olivia gets the calls she's been dreading and hoping for. The detective working Amanda's case is on the line. What he says is like music to her ears.

"We've got her, she's a little roughed up, but she's okay?"

"And Al?"

"He's dead. Stabbed multiple times. We're taking her to the hospital. You can come see her when you're ready."

Olivia has to ask the question that's been on her mind. Talking through her tears "Was she raped?"

"We can't be sure until she's fully examined, but she was fully clothed when we found her. So, chances are she wasn't"

Liv lets out the breath she's been holding and hangs up the phone after being told what hospital they're taking Amanda to. The older woman doesn't know what she would have done if Amanda had been raped again. The blonde hadn't handled it well the first time. She spent years pretending it never happened. A second time might have broken her. But she didn't need to worry about that. Her girl was safe and she couldn't wait to see her.


	12. Chapter 12

Now was one of those times where Liv wished they were still in New York. They had no real support system here which meant she had to get Jesse, Noah, and Asher up in the middle of the night and get them ready to see Amanda in the hospital. Something she was really dreading since Asher had just settled about a half an hour before. Still, there was no way she was waiting until the morning to see her wife.

The kids were cranky. All three of them. While Jesse and Noah were happy that Amanda was ok, they were mad that they weren't going to be able to see her right away. Because Olivia didn't know the extent of the other woman's injuries, she didn't want the kids to see her until the blonde gave her ok. The only exception would be Asher. Amanda hadn't nursed or pumped in hours which meant she was probably uncomfortable. And frankly, Olivia was also hoping that Amanda would be able to get the baby to calm down. He'd been screaming off and on since the blonde was taken and Liv hadn't been able to stop him.

The 30-minute drive to the hospital was just long enough for Jesse and Noah to fall asleep again which meant Olivia had to repeat the process of getting them up all over again. They find the floor the blonde is on where a police officer and a social worker are waiting to watch Jesse and Noah while Liv speaks to the doctors and sees the younger woman.

Olivia tears up the first time she sees Amanda in her hospital bed. She looks so small. There are stitches near her temple, and bruises on her face. Her wrists are bandaged from where the duct tape was wrapped around her skin too tight for too long. Under the gown she's wearing, Olivia knows there's a bruised rib. The blonde suffered a minor concussion, but none of her physical injuries were life threatening and they would all heal. The older woman knew all too well what kind of emotional scars something like this would cause and it would be something they had to take one day at a time.

"Hey." Amanda says from the bed. Voice raspy and accent stronger than usual. Turning to see Liv's face covered in tears. "I'm ok, I'm ok."

The brunette walks over and they embrace. The younger woman wrapping her arms around Liv and Asher. The women kiss. Long and deep only stopping when the baby starts babbling for attention.

Amanda takes the baby into her arms and holds him tight, nuzzling his cheek. "He's probably hungry and tired. The bottle wasn't good enough for him earlier. Jesse and Noah are in the waiting room. I wanted to make sure you were up to see them because I know they want to see you."

"I don't want to scare them. I look worse than I feel." Amanda replies, getting Asher situated so he can nurse.

"I'll explain it to them the best I can. Do you want me to go get them?"

"Please."

Liv goes back out to the waiting room, kneeling down in front of Jesse and Noah. "Mama's going to okay, but she got hurt and we need to very careful with her okay. She has some bruises that might look a little scary, but she's going to be fine. Do you guys want to go see her?"

They nod their heads and Olivia holds hands with them both and takes them to Amanda's hospital room. Reminding them right before they enter the room that they needed to be careful because Mama has a hurt side. The kids are cautious as they walk into the room. The blonde tries to smile, to reassure them that she's okay even though she looks like she isn't. She reaches out the arm that isn't cradling the baby towards the kids. Thought, they are both hesitant to move closer.

"C'mon guys. Mama's okay. In fact, I think she needs a big hug from both of you." Olivia says bending down to talk to the children. They take turns giving Amanda hugs and that seems to put them at ease.

Their visit is short. The kids are tired and cranky and need to go home and get some sleep. Amanda has to stay in the hospital until the morning. They want to keep her for observation because of the concussion. They'd be back in the morning to pick her up and take her home.

With Al being gone for good, one would think it would make the women feel better, more secure. And it did. But at the same time this made everything so uncertain and they would have a lot of decisions to make in the next couple of weeks. There was nothing holding them in Colorado. There would be no trial because Al was dead. At this point, the local police were attempting to figure out what involvement the marshals who were supposed to protect them had in Al finding them. Agent Perez may have tipped off Al to their location for a large sum of money. This made them feel violated. The person who was supposed to be protecting them was the one who put their family, their children at risk.

Now, Liv and Amanda needed to figure out several things. Like where they were going to live and what they were going to do for a living. Amanda had been getting ready to go back to work before this all happened. Only part time for now, but she felt ready to leave Asher for part of the day. That changed once Al came back into the picture. Olivia is pretty sure it's going to take months before Amanda isn't so worried that someone is going to take Asher in the middle of the night or the second, she takes her eyes off of him. And SVU might not be the best environment for her to be working in right now with her current headspace. Olivia herself didn't miss the job as much as she thought she would. They both liked the space they had in Colorado. The kids and Frannie had a nice big yard to run around in and they weren't all crammed into an apartment together.

But, living here had its drawbacks. Amanda and Olivia missed Fin and Carisi so much. The squad was their family. It upset the blonde every time she thought about the fact that her son would never get to meet his Uncle Sonny or Uncle Fin. They were both so important to her and she wanted them to have a role in the lives of her children.

No matter what they decided to do, they were in Colorado for the next couple of months. Noah only had 2 months of school and his baseball season left and it would be unfair to have him switch again in the middle of the school year.

Liv gets home with the kids and they all eat a small breakfast and then head to bed for a few hours of sleep. All piled into Olivia's bed because she wanted them as close as possible.

They pick up Amanda from the hospital that afternoon. And the rest of the day is quiet. Everyone is tired and drained from the events of the past couple of weeks. Liv and Amanda don't really get the chance to really talk until the kids are in bed that night.

They're sitting on the couch in their usual position. Amanda's head resting on her wife's chest. Liv breaks the silence. "You don't have to tell me what happened if you don't want to, but you should talk to someone. I know therapy isn't your thing, but I'd really like you to at least try it out. If it really doesn't work for you than I won't push the issue."

"I think I need to. It's something I should have done a long time ago. All of this as taught me that all the things that happened to me. During my childhood, in Atlanta, with Patton." She pauses. "With Esther. Everything that I thought I worked through. I haven't really worked through any of it. I've spent years burying it and hoping it would go away. But I guess I can't ignore if forever."

"I'm proud of you Amanda." Liv says leaning down and pressing a kiss to the crown of the younger woman's head.

Then, suddenly the blonde pops her head up to look Olivia in the eyes. "He didn't rape me. He didn't even try. I don't know what his plan was, but he didn't get that far. I know they probably already told you that, but if I was you, I would still be worried about it if I was you."

"I believe you."

The next few days are rough. Amanda barely sleeps. She wakes up several times a night from nightmares. Not all about Al. Liv can hear her mutter things like dad or Patton while tossing and turning. Olivia also isn't sleeping. She feels the need to watch her wife sleep to protect from the demons that grip her during the night.

Frannie hadn't left her owner's side since Amanda came home. Licking her face to wake her from nightmares, doing her best to comfort her during the panic attacks, and laying by her feet whenever possible.

They're back in the first house they were in when they moved. The one that they made their home. Liv's out leaving Amanda alone in the house for the first time. Of course, Asher and Jesse are there, but still the older woman helped to provide her a feeling of safety. But Noah had a therapy appointment and that was more important. The little boy was very nervous and clingy the past several days so they arranged an appointment for him as soon as possible.

Amanda is sitting on the floor in the living room playing with Asher and Jesse. Doing her best to stay busy. There's a knock on the door something that the blonde wasn't expecting. She picks up Asher and walks to the door and looks through the peephole to find Fin and Carisi standing on the other side.

"Hey. What are you guys going doing here?" The blonde says pulling open the door.

"Once they told us where you were, we had to come see you." Fin says hugging her. Carisi doing the same.

"Come on in. Jesse's in the living room." Jesse is very excited to see her uncles. Clamoring for attention from both. She grabs their hands trying to pull them down to the floor to play with her. Frannie is also wagging her tail and dancing around them trying to get some attention "Hey, Jesse. Mama needs to talk to Uncle Fin and Uncle Sonny for a little bit. Can you go into your room or the playroom for a little bit? I promise they'll play whatever you want in a little bit."

Jesse's reluctant, but agrees.

They sit on the couches in the living room and Fin nods to the baby Amanda is still holding. "Aren't you going to introduce us?"

Amanda smiles. "This is my son. Asher Oliver. He's just about 5 months old. Came a little early, but was completely healthy."

"You named him after Liv. Did you hear what happened? Some freak infection. They told us that you offered to take Noah." Carisi says shaking his head.

"Liv's not dead." Amanda says shocked that was the story the marshals decided to use. "We've been living here together."

The younger woman gets up and points out the pictures they have on the mantle. Evidence of the life they've lived together over the past several months. Pictures of them playing with the kids in the snow, on Christmas morning, Jesse and Noah holding Asher for the first time. But what she forgets about are the several pictures that show just how close they've gotten. Some are from their impromptu wedding Amanda kissing Olivia on the cheek with Jesse and Noah on either side. Others are from the day Asher was born. Liv cradling both Amanda and the baby who are sitting in between her legs. The one front in center is their favorite. It was taken at Olivia's company's Christmas party right before Asher was born. Liv had her arms wrapped around Amanda from behind, arms resting on her pregnant belly, chin on the other woman's shoulder. They're both beaming looking so incredibly happy.

Amanda didn't really care that the boys were going to know about her relationship with Liv. She was however planning to tell them directly rather than letting them find out on their own.

She was expecting them to be surprised not angry, but they both are. Carisi speaks first. "You mean all those months where we thought Liv was dead and we had no idea where you were or if you were even okay. You guys were here playing house."

"We weren't allowed to tell you guys anything. They snuck us out early one morning. We had no idea that you guys thought Olivia was dead."

"Were you guys together before you left New York?" Fin asks.

"No, they wanted as to pretend to be a couple while we were here and that lead to us admitting how we really felt I guess."

"Where's Liv?"

"Noah had an appointment with his therapist and Liv took him. They should be on their way back now. I'm sorry they told you that Liv died. If we knew that was the plan, we wouldn't have let that happen."

Carisi keeps looking over at the baby. "Do you want to hold him?"

"Yeah, of course. You sit I'll come to you." Carisi gets up, and grabs Asher. Sitting down and holding him so he can get a good look at the baby's face. He talks to him softly, bonding. It's a sight that warms Amanda's heart. Jesse is so close to Sonny and she wants her son to have the same bond.

"We heard what happened with Al. Are you feeling okay?" Fin asks.

"Physically, I'm okay. Emotionally, I've got a lot of work to do, but I'm getting help and I've got Liv."

"You guys aren't going to get all sappy on us or anything right?"

"No promises."

The front door opens and Olivia and Noah walk in. Stopping to take off their jackets before walking to the living room. Liv's in front and she's so focused on making sure that Amanda's okay she doesn't even know Fin and Carisi are there.

"Hey, baby. Everything okay while I was gone?" Olivia says while sitting down and leaning in to give Amanda a hello kiss. Fin clears his throat and she notices the guys sitting across from them.

They all spend some time catching up. That is until the kids start demanding the attention of their Uncles. The next several hours they're made to play every game Jesse and Noah can come up with, basically being pulled around the house. The kids talk their ears off. Having to tell them every little thing that happened since they saw them last.

Olivia loved Colorado, but their family was in New York and after seeing their kids with Fin and Carisi and they didn't want to deprive them from that any longer than they had to.


End file.
